The Road Not Taken

2006-09-12T10:13:00.000-04:00

My thoughts, somehow have done nothing but revolve around you...
now and again, past the mundane you seep through
It need not forcefully creep into any other thought as it has -
already branded each separate one, claiming it.
A strange immortality of your presence resides with in me and i know not why...
I sit here allowing it to flow in torrents of misunderstood love
Feverishly gnawing and scratching at my tools of expression
why have i allowed my mind to wander past its voluntary cage?
it has taken with it my imagination and heart which -
bears with it all that i am... or rather bore what i was...
the site of my own insolence on the walls i have written upon,
keep me what i am, unable to comprehend the use of my legs
as if i had given up my freedom, left to sit and dwell...
on all the reasons why, uncertainty taints me solitarily.

2006-05-09T01:35:00.000-04:00

I miss you

Like my hearts forgotten beat,
As the sun ceases to glare
Due to being blinded by the moon

I miss you

Solitarily standing while people stop and stare,
To remind me of my nostalgic memory

When again will I be able to stand,
And my feet know the comfort of freedom?
Ceasing to stagger towards the gathering dew

And when my eyes realize to open,
Absorb the world for the first time,
I will feel the love that I have sought after for centuries

But where are you?

You, the one that I have seen only in the fog of my past
You, the only one that has snatched my self away
You, the one that has made me feel nostalgic -
For the events that will take place tomorrow

I love you.

2006-05-09T01:25:00.000-04:00

Hands Of A Star

There were two of them beneath the hands of a star
Born on separate days and separate years
But, whose dates of birth were not so far
Hence they shared similar reasons for tears…

The elder, moved with a does gait
And believed that dance smoothed through her veins
While the sounds of jazz was her fate
She flowed along side the leaves that fluttered about
As the playful wind pushed her to her limits
Forcing her self further and further out –
Towards the uplifting clouds above the dire land

The crowd glares
Watching her move; they shared in her emotion
Moving across the stage with twists and turns
Seemingly impossible movements were made easy
A final pirouette draws all the love out -
And made to lay upon the floor in awe…

The younger, more rebellious of the two –
Had lungs filled with a force ineffable
She sang songs before throngs of isolated attention
But never sang to those who gathered –
Rather, her voice, independently traveled per individual
Surfing upon the waves of air, her voice made known

Melting the ice ridden hearts of the spiteful
With immersion unyielding, silence grows
Notes and tones vocalized from the depths of her soul –
Pushed outward and toward the auditorium ceiling
Then echoed into the hearts of those who love her
And, changing those who do not know her
Creating an unfathomable ambiance of comfort

They both lived with in the same hallowed walls of passion
Under the watchful eyes of the two that loved them most
With in a home filled to the brim with formations of art.
But thier reasons for the lake of sorrow to flow is not theirs alone
It is not even their property…
Cheeks stained by true tears belongs to a random obscurity
That once resided beneath similar clouds of emotion
The same one that holds this pen; that flows with nostalgia
It is he, who writes because of them…
No longer does the fervor of expression satisfy him
It is their words that feed his insatiable hunger to write
And – as siblings connected deeper then blood
Their performance is fueled, not just with vehimence -
It is followed by the search of approval by said obscurity
Who, with pure pride, will always be in approbation of the two

2006-04-13T13:51:00.000-04:00

Inspired by...

"Why are you loving a dead end?", is what she said. Her words helf both a lack of and complete eloquence about the cause and effect of both thier actions.

He stopped writing and looked up at the missing emotions in the room. The noise of people chatting, babies crying, and friends laughing slowly lifted up and exitted the coffee shop. Now, they were both alone in a room full of dreams.

"Well?" She said as she threw a brick at the wall of silence.
"Well what? what kind of question is that? what are you asking me?" He spat out random words, hoping she wouldnt notice the sweat marks on his back. He needed time, more time.

The words acted as a vacuum of time; his time. It foreced him to move, he had to act. But he couldnt, after years of allowing the world to keep spinning with out him; he's forgotten how to spin along.

"One of us is still going to school, holding some type of job and not biting the hand that feeds."

As silent volcano's sleep eternal until its is sadly disturbe; life is beautiful. He disturbed nature could no longer be contained with in the grasp of love. She tried, holding tight but the tighter she held, it all began to slip in torrents through her fingers. The noise of the coffee shop decided to enter. Slowly, the doors opened and the volume increased. Only laughter was heard over the peak of sound and it hurt his ears. He had to stand, and then smoke.

The room kept laughing. It felt as if it was laughing at him. The amber lights flickered along side the sound as it bounced of the green chairs.

Out side, he was burning his life away, one long drag after the other.

"Why?" he heard horridly over his shoulder. "Why couldnt you just do something. Life at times makes you take the road less travelled." He dropped his pleasure, still burning with anxiety.

"Melissa! i cant do that. Im an artist! i cant be seen at that minimum wage job! and school? its just stopping me from expanding as an artist. You're not loving a deadend, someday i'll get big and i'll buy you anything and everything!"

It was too late. Th sun had fallen beneath the darkening clouds and it began to rain. The once glowing central square was flooded with a deluge of mixed love and anger.

"Rain drops are falling on my head." He said...

She looked up at his five foot eleven stature and then disappeared into the rain as rain drops kept falling on his head.

2006-03-22T12:46:00.000-05:00

As he left the yellow doors to stand before the bright sun, his color began to fade. The environment itself seemed to mock his mix emotions with a plethora of colors while he is lost with in his somber looks. A black and white creature walked about the chromatic and textured Market Place.
Step after step, he still had not raised his head. In the hopes that no one would see his face, he concentrated severely upon the bumps on the sidewalk. It resembles much of his emotion; the sidewalk had cracks and spaces, bumps and bruises and it was rough. He tried not to remember what had happened before, as it was not worth his nostalgia.
Walking to Starbucks from memory, he knew he was closer because he could hear the jovial echoes of coffee cups, cigarettes and ashtrays. Making his way to the back entrance that would be the smokers area, he entered the opaque doors. He looked up expecting to see a familiar face, a stranger’s face or any face at all. There was no one.
He dropped his bag and the room spun around him as he tried to gain composure. He looked once, left, right then up and down. There was no one to be found. Hurriedly, he ran across the room towards the main entrance and smashed through the doors. There were no cars in the parking lot, no one having their hair done next door, an empty Subway: Eat Fresh, no one at all.
Digging into his pockets for salvation, He had to calm himself down. Snapping his Zippo up and open he lit one of his Marlboro 27’s… He jolted to the left over the hedges and into the main road. He closed his eyes and stood there at the center waiting for something, anything to happen. He took another drag, inhaled, exhaled, and opened his eyes.

to be continued

2006-03-15T11:38:00.000-05:00

The cat was mostly black; except for its nose, chest and feet. He tried desperately to make the cat love him, but all it did was sit there silently, spitefully staring back at him. Maybe it was because he was dangle a cheap toy by its face.
"Do we need to talk about our relationship?" A question shot from across the room yanked his attention towards the window; and there she stood. She was getting ready for work; a hair dryer, straightener, hair gel and perfume spread across the table. Her scent, it echoed around in his lungs and it drew him like fire to the flies.
Realizing he had to respond, he looked at her. Unable to instantly realize the gravity, he tried to steal away more time to think. "What do you mean?" He said hoping she had not noticed his weakness towards her. He sat there upon the wooden floor feeling the vibrations from a beating heart. He couldnt fathom whether or not it was his, hers or the cats.
"Well, i'll be leaving soon and i'll be gone for a long while." She said as she began to put down her hair products and pick up her scent. She looked back at him with an almost somber smile as if she knew something was wrong. But she continued and said, "Also, im not fighitng any of the feelings. Im just going with the flow of things. And i love you... but..." Why did not it end as beautifullky as it could have, did there have to be a "but"? Words from unknown sections of his mind came in torrents towards his shut mouth. His love and respect for her held more strength then cheap words of immaturity. He held silence.
"If there were to be someone else or if something happened, it'll be alright. Just tell me so that i wouldnt be waiting in vain."
The fear of unrequited love was shattered. He now knew, directly from her that he was not the only one feeling weak because of the other. He got up, smiled at her with the sun behind his breath and said, "I also have been going with the flow, not fighting the feelings you make me feel. In all honestly, i don't think i will find anyone quite like you." He had lived in this little town for only about three years. He solitarily walked the blind streets lost with in his own day dreams. He came from work to study at home, then to sleep. After, he woke early in the mornings to go to class then soon after, toil at work. He lived a monotonous and rigorously redundant life. But when he bumped into her infront of the little ice cream shop at the center of the square, he knew that redundancy would no longer stay by his side.
"I love you." He said, standing tall and confident infront of her as she still stood there half naked and unprepared for work. He starred at her movements through the mirror and she did the same to him. She smiled and uttered similar words coupled with a statement that seared its mark on mind. "Where ever i go, it will be for a while but i know that i will not let anyone touch me."
The cliche kiss of lovers was shared as they stood before the mirror that captured every body movement and gesture. Behind them was the cat, who once sat silent and vexed, is now standing upon the bed watching. The kisses stop as thier bodies were still intertwined and he said, "That cat still hates me."

2006-03-14T23:58:00.000-05:00

Random

sitting here with a drink in my hand i write this
i'm not sure where this will all take me
writing this, random words floating through my head
i walk through all the six rooms and yours i stop
i take a photo of you and someone in my hand
and i smile, to remember how happy you are
that smile that i can never remove from sight
causese me to write, these random pieces of reality
onto this, pixelated sheet of paper
along side cheap rhymes and metaphors about -
a love i hide with in my hearts closet
awaiting the time of your return into this home
whos doors have been opened before i knew you
by those who have come and gone and away
their imprints embeded with in the floors
i scrub and toil but to no avail
i can not compete with the past but im not supposed to
i read through your past thoughts and feelings
tackeling this projects is head on your past
as i try to stand before as the victor -
now i step back and quietly sip my drink
as the basic realization was mine and not thiers
i am here now, making things happen
im trying, which is much more then them
im still waiting, being more patient then the photos
determined to finish the project, i scub the floors again
not with the same vigor and fervor
i do enough as there is no need to remove the stains
upon the floor that many have tred
lay wisdom and happiness, in a way, memories
left there to be remembered and better yet, learned from
hence i cease this senseless writing wasting my time
its time to act, put in the effort and wait once more.

2006-03-13T01:19:00.000-05:00

"A Letter To You"

What's another night, sitting here, starring at a pixelated world?
Each cities glory at my finger tips behind these cheap colored lights
Should'nt enthusiasms love grasp, take me and force me to unfold?
I shudder as the shadows of the lit room drip drip drip into bites
Insanity was once my company; that is until sanity came spearing through me
Random photos flicker before my face, shaking me to wistfulness
Sitting frozen while instantly feeling the spear of vulnerability
Moterized lights flash in sequence: red green red green - colorless
Can i truly say that this momentary prenostalgic state of mind -
- Is my temporary weakness in remembrance of what grasps my emotion?
Breathing my life away seems to hold me insane i find
As the breeze warms at the end of the burn there is an overcompensation -
An unwilling stagger towards the reality that I am still sitting here
The fan rattles with in its case shocking me to different attention
The tears begin to dry, the uneasy sound dies and i see clear
My laps in instabilty that caused this distracting debility is temporary
As my courage floods back reminding me that i will cover you.
Insight knocks on my door and i can be with you while stationary
Separated upon the world that once shared the same true - atom
The pixelated world is still beneath my battered hands
I enter in my emotions and send them away past separate skies
Time; that once was stored with in the glass; i now hold the sand -
Forcing the clouds to halt thier weaps and cries
And, now i wait again for the cheap flickering lights to shine
Soon, a window with in the pixels with pop-up and state:
"You've Got Mail."

2006-02-18T23:47:00.000-05:00

"Pieces Of Paper"

It was another cold day in Boston and Nick was tired. He had worked close twenty hours, stopping only to use the toilet. But, he knew that it was all worth it. Because at the end of his long, arduous and deadly working day, he would spend it with Sarah. He worked because of her, not because she deserved anything but simply because she was his reason. That to him, was all that he needed feel.

He stopped for a drink, he seemed to have an insatiable need for water. Maybe it was because he was tired, and still hadn't slept properly. He tried, numerous times, to allow himself to wander the fantasy of his mind. But everytime he would walk next to memories worth nostalgia, a bump would knock him back into reality.

As he sat, he instantly felt uncomfortable. Today seemed fairly busy as people moved about, searched for an open seat, waved thier hands in the air, waded their bags through the narrow spaces. All he wanted was a drink, then he could continue on his way towards the one who holds his heart; Sarah.

Night had fallen and there was nothing left with in Nicks mind except that he was thirsty. He sat solitarily, lost with in the night of his mind. Finally, a large blonde woman passed by; she was pushing a small cart of beverages. As Nick watched her in anticipation; she asked everyone else if they wanted something to drink. "When is she comming here?" he thought, as the lights in the area began to dim. The lost light reminded him of his fatiguing body, his eyes grew weary and lonesome. He then remembered the once glorious touch of a soft pillow and sheets warmed by a body next to his. As his mind finally began to float along side the sand that made his eyes shut; the large blonde woman inturputed by asking, "Something to drink sir?"

It's only been a half hour since his temporary vacation from the walls of the salt mine; his anticipation grew. He thought, "Another half hour, then a taxi ride of another, and i'll be home." His leg began to shake by the knees as his excitment had to be released. He looked around with in the darkness, and followed the shadows of the night. Many were similarly asleep, others held somber faces, and the rest eminated a feeling of hope because soon, they too would be with in the arms of both thier warm beds, and the bodies that made it warm.

The night began to lift, while a voice of the intercom awoke. It said, "five more minutes." Sleep gathered its dust and quickly hid with in the remnants of the darkness. The yellow light seemed to glow harder chasing the trail of dust to the depths of the seats. The live intercom made its last statement before it was put back to sleep. It said, "Welcome home." A sigh of releif followed by a thought, "Not just yet."

"Taxi!" Nick called out with his failing body; he needed to rest. The languor of his mind made his head heavy. He found his taxi, and automatically laid his head to rest. With his eyes closed and his mind about to leave the docks of reality, he handed the taxi driver a piece of paper. The driver nodded and drove off.

A once more interupted half slumber; Nick was vexed. He peered outside the window and the neon lights echoed through his eyes. It felt as if needles gently massaged his sleep deprived imagination. Strange signs he could not recognize with or without his brain activity. The taxi had stopped before a large building and the driver demanded his payment. Nick paid more then he was required to; he paid with more valuable currency.

Nick stepped out and took a deep breath of the thick city air; the pollution was staggering. Looking around, the echo of past neon lights was still wiggling with in his eyes. He closed them for a moment, took another polluted air breath and began his final steps towards the door.

He entered a large welcoming hall, with people still buzzing about despite the late hour of 2am. A short man who wore what appeared to be a concierge's uniform came up to him. The man asked Nick who was he visiting, but Nick couldn't understand. He tried his best to somehow jump start the hamster to turn the wheel, but his mind would not function. So he smiled in reply, and handed the concierge a piece of paper with a name. The concierge understood and directed him towards the elevator; and with his hands, told Nick which floor to get off; the tenth floor.

Walking towards the elevator, a jolt of energy shot through his feet, into his heart and lightened his mind. Excited, he quickly entered the mirrored doors of the elevator and insistently pressed the botton for the tenth floor. He saw his reflection on the doors; it was haggared. His once leapoards gait was lost to a now gaunt silverbacks. The doors opened. It was bright as he entered the hallway, temporarily blinded he pulled out another piece of paper and read it. It had the number 134 on it. Two doors down on the right after the side table with a vase of yellow tulips at the center. Knock Knock Knock...

The door opened, and Nicks knees began to wither. He wasn't sure of what was going on; was it because he was tired or because he was ecstatic. Smiles lit up the already shinning hallway that screamed the color white. Words then made its way out to shatter the silence. "Hello Sarah." He said as he could not fight the smile that broke his somber look. "Nick! What are you doing here in China?"

The End

2006-02-12T22:42:00.000-05:00

"Flashes of a Dream"

And - a wild fervor shapens in and through my back. I felt the air breeze across the inside of my body. Is today another day?
Last night happened in flashes; flashes i care not to remember. Pins and needles spike through my eyes after viewing the events.
I could'nt believe that temptation was so strong. And, desire along side it. I tried to laugh and regain once lost composure... It never came...
It came up, or rather, it tried. Words vomitting out, i could'nt hold on. But there was nothing but the feeling of a desert.
I could not even devise a virtuous version of the truth. Nothing came to my expected pain except a nonenthusiastic cough. and another. cough...
i found the gash of which it entered. It, the creature, resembled an imp... small, bright red, and jagged.
I was no longer who i though i was or who i was to become. i was strangely tainted with the touch of uncertainty...
And - a wild fervor slips beneath my feet and allows me to fall. There i still am, quickly wading through the scentless air, grazing my self upon the soft clouds. I fall with in the brightness of the night.
Hence i am now not only uncertain and plagued by over analyzation, i also am blinded to the beauties of the darkness - left to wait.

2006-02-05T22:20:00.000-05:00

“The Wedding Cake Story”

“The amber light of the lamp above isn’t as strong as it used to be. I wonder what happened to it…“ I said to my self as I looked up. I had wondered for a long while on the welfare of this place. I mean, it had to have made some money. Why was it beginning to fall apart?
“Excuse me, is this seat taken?”
I looked up; it was a young woman, carrying what appeared to be a laptop case. She dressed professional, she had her hair tied back, which exposed her hairline, and she smelled of cigarettes and stress.
“No.” I had said abruptly removing my attention.
“Thanks… um… could I ask you something?”
Why do people always say that? Its strange how, just out of curiosity, we are driven to ask questions. But asking a question of permission to ask a question? What have we come to? I shook my head.
“Sure why not.” I said.
“You wouldn’t happen to have a light would you?”
“Yea, sure.”
Digging into my pocket I found my Zippo lighter. It was silver all around and had curves on its edges as opposed to corners. It was some special model made to commemorate some company holiday. My best friend gave this to me.
“Here you go.” I snapped it open and lit it
“Thanks again.”
“No problem.”
She turned and walked away, dragging the chair she had taken from my table. I watched her until she had decided to sit across the coffee shop underneath the blare of the sun. It was a good idea.

Until my phone rang, I had not heard anything except for the small conversation with that woman and the voices in my head.
“ Hello?”
“Theo! Where are you?”
“Jeremy? I’m just getting some coffee. Why?”
“Gabe’s show is about to begin, what are you still doing there?
How did I forget? My best friends show is about to begin and I still had to beat the four o’clock traffic. His show is in an hour; I’ll make it. Jolting out of my seat and making a mad dash towards the parking lot, I had not noticed the fact that I had bumped into a sea of faces. It’s probably a good thing that I did not recognize any of them, except for that one woman who asked for a light…

When I was younger, I learned never to be late. The school disciplinarian would give anyone who was late an hour of detention. The only thing that would deter him, from graciously offering an hour of standing beneath the wrath of the sun at the center of a dried out soccer field, would be a written and signed excuse from our parents. Let’s just say that I couldn’t keep making up reasons as to why I was late so that my mother would write me a letter.

“Damn this traffic. This is what I get for being late.” I said to my self out loud in the car. I honked the horn.
“Come on! Lets go, I’ve got to make it to a show.” I just rhymed. I honked the horn again.
It began to rain. It was such a beautiful and sunny day; no one expected it to be poisoned by darkening clouds floating in from the pacific carrying with it a heavy load of rain. It rained hard. Traffic got worse and so did tempers.

“Thank god there’s some movement!” a sigh of relief.

A car, filled with what looked like teenagers, screamed past me. They were on the safety lane. I waited for the cops to come waving a ticket and cuffs but they never came.
“A pastry shop to the left.” I thought to my self “Maybe I should pick up a congratulations cake for my friends. No, wait… that wont work. They only sell wedding cakes… they look good.”
Maybe I could do the same thing, there aren’t any cops, and those kids seemed to just fly by. I’ve got to get to that show. But what I didn’t realize was that, I was not the only one with that same idea. I pulled out of my lane and made my way to the safety lane. It was empty. I peeled out trying to zoom passed through in the hopes that no one would pay much attention and then bam.

2006-02-05T22:18:00.001-05:00

“A Photo Story”

“Where are you going?” He said with a terribly scrounged up face.

The truth is that they were leaving. They had to. Where they were going to go, even he didn’t know. But they got up, and they’re leaving. On This warm and strange day, the crows began to circle over a parliament of rooks on a field.
“Do we have to go?” She said as she bounced up and down in his arms

She had no choice but to trust him. Who else could she trust? She was still young, too young to understand what was going on. The day got stranger as the day became more humid entering the early afternoon. But the crows were still there, about the parliament that had one rook in the center of it. He seemed to be the only one speaking

“We have to go, we have to go now!” He said trying his best not to drop his cigarette.

Did he know where he was going? He seemed to just get up in a hurry. I might know where he could go. But I don’t. The single rook at the center ceased to speak. The crows began to sink lower.

Now, who thus proposes we do something about it?” were the last words of that lone rook; before he was mangled by his own kin.

The crows landed one by one and the largest one, who seemed to carry more then it could on his mind said, “And now your story has ended.”

2006-02-05T22:18:00.000-05:00

“Baby, Baby, Baby”

“Mama, Mama…Mama?” The other said, reaching out towards the sky

The room was drenched in a baby blue shade with a hint of perspiration. It was hot. The sun had fallen beneath the tower of our neighborhood, there wasn’t any breeze.

“I’m tired of this no pleasure none sense!” Ben said

His voice quickly overlapped by the coming train of Thursday performers. Tonight was the night of the block party. Aretha was looking for some “R-E-S-P-E-C-T”, telling everyone that, “What you want, baby I got it, what you need you know I got it!” And we all knew she got “it” because she was most surely a “Natural Woman”

“Lets go over to the window so that we can taste each other under the starry night.” Martha said.

They moved with the flow of physical love, it looked like they floated off to the balcony. Side by side they waded though thin air, not making a sound as the twins have stopped their chants of “Mama, Mama.”

There was a sea of unknown personalities swimming beneath their feet. Some waved, others nodded as they threw their hands up in the air. The Righteous Brothers took over the creaking stage and with one whim, silence the crowd. All they had to say was, “You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips…” Cheers float into nothingness.

“I think we’ve lost that loving feeling Ben.” Martha said as she let her self fall in an open embrace.

“…”That loving feeling, oh that loving feeling. And its gone, gone, gone

2006-02-05T22:17:00.000-05:00

“Katrina: P.O. Box. New Orleans”

Why does patience take so long?

Since when did the warmth of the world
Fade and be dreary?

Why won’t anyone else stay, laugh and drink with me?

How has this journey only become mine?

If all our lives are so intertwined…

2006-02-05T22:16:00.000-05:00

“What I am”

Smooth, silver and metallic all over –
A symbol, a pendant, a meaning
I am something to her…
I may not know what is false or true
But I know my self
I remember my self once surrounded
By family and friends abound
Enjoying the silent sound
Until broken from my haven
Chipped and hacked at
Instantly removed from where I sat
The place where I had lived for years
Taking comfort in the silence
To being deafened by the noise.
After all my tears and screaming
Something had changed
I was a piece of gaudy nothing
Now, I am a glittering something
Whetting the insatiable appetite
Of who holds me tight
And at the end of this night
A fright shakes me into a stupor
And I find my self more – alone
I dream and I dreamt once
Of the taste of the air
Feeling your heart next to mine
But all I see s this dark wooden box
Thinking of the memories of you
Knowing, I wanted to see things through
There’s nothing left that I smell or taste
But feel; I feel that I have been forgotten
As I sit here in this darken wooden box
Sitting next to your socks
Nothing but a past memory I am to you
Even if I wanted to see things through

2005-12-10T00:30:00.000-05:00

Pete’s Hill

What once was lost is now found
Beneath the starry night abound
Perched upon Peter’s hill
Embraced by sanctities thrill
Only moon light shining the way
Countless things we could say
Not feeling the stresses of living
Except the funny feeling of laughing
Thinking – of the ridiculously obvious
While’st pondering the curious
Of months past making seven
Shattered by hours spent more then eleven
From seconds to minutes, hours to days
My minds has stopped, and here is stays
In this almost muggy atmosphere
With annoyances fluttering we can hear
None of it bothers, as I am content
Although I still feel as if I am bent
Screwed over, shattered and smashed
Heart, mind and soul overwhelmed and tired
Trying to gather and regain composure
Not thinking of the immediate future
As all it is, is the present converted
A time in which was very much hated
Now is what I covet and hope to keep
Even at the risk of the valued sleep
In this time of darkness and constellations
I hear only our conversations.

2005-12-07T16:55:00.000-05:00

“The Amber Necklace”

Part One:
Dare I seek out the insanity of solitude?
Isolation from communication between this world –
- That seems to forget the flow of life it breeds.
With light, bright clouds fluttering about in the sky,
First combining, dancing and then separating
Insanity is what I see with in nature its self
There are trees that bleed liquid amber from its roots
Slowly flowing out, then stopping and changing
Impurities procrastinate inward, making a deep scar
I remember my self, once completely surrounded –
By family and friends sharing everything and nothing
We would bask in the endless waves of silence
Until once, I was broken into and removed from my haven
Chipped and hacked at, I was completely taken –
- Far and away from the sanity of company
Instantly removed from where I used to sit
The place where I had grown and lived for years.
Somewhere I could take comfort in the silence
And now, am deafened by the cruel noise
After my swollen tears, I began to scream
“Return me to the company of my silence!”
I was not returned but silence did come to me
There was something different, I changed.
I was once a piece of gaudy nothing
Unable to comprehend the insatiable hunger –
for wrath by this petrified worlds imagination.
Now I see my self as a glittering piece of something
Yet again, solitarily hanging amongst a sea of faces
Until that one summer day; It was a Friday
I remember not the entire day but the winds
The winds that blew ice on this midsummer night
A dance between distant souls and one –
- Of enormous size with a blinding solitary glow
I remember not that day, or night, but the connection.
A link of serene separation of these distant bodies
And so, I was removed once more…

Part Two:
Breathing makes things harder at night
As I try to whisper the comfort that doesn’t come.
Another day, a Wednesday, where I was blind to detail
I was united with another, solitary being
Smooth silver and metallic all over, My reflection I could see
I had changed before my own eyes
Never before was I more then able to taste life
I could feel a strong beat right next to mine
A strange unification of two separate isolations
I, now, am a symbol, a meaning; a pendant
I may not know the intricacy of fallacy or truth –
But I know, to a degree of certainty, my self
Hence, I, may not mean anything to you
But I mean something to her, and only her.
I taste the air as I float along side her
I could smell the excitement of her mind
I see her tears because I feel the same fears
And I could dream! As I dreamt once.
Of flashes of past company I no longer seek
As this solitude has made my soul meek
Complimentary is the seclusion between she and I
I, an impure piece of solid amber –
With this unnatural dark dispersion –
- that i thought was an unwanted damage with in my heart
Then, dare I say, that I seek, now, the insanity of reality?
Purposely disconnect myself from the chaos
Taking comfort, now, in the silence of noise –
As it's echoes shake my inner self
And at the end of this night there will be a fright
That knocks me down and forces me into a stupor
but I find my self, alone, more and more alone
Even if I know that you will not drop me
Despite the heavy weight you carry
The air wears thin, it’s too much to bear

Part Three:
The full collapse of company looms over
And the sun set black traps me here
Along and away I am from the similar solitude
That, my silver and I hold close together
I must sit and wait, once more be patient
But not with family or any other familiar company
Lost with in this dark room made to contemplate.
Pondering upon the basic meaning of patience and forever
But why must patience take so long?
and how long is forever?
If forever means the time of travel of patience –
- Must I wait forever, lost in the hustle of solitude?
When forever comes today, when does tomorrow come?
I believe that it may never, as it is forgotten
There is nothing left that I taste or feel
Not even the power of fearing that I could be forgotten
Sitting here in the dim lights of a closed box
I remember all the memories of you… just you…
Flashes of nostalgia interrupt my reveries
As all of them seem to be worth remembering
Especially knowing one great thing
That I will see this through and through
Patiently waiting during unending days of solitude

2005-11-09T16:23:00.000-05:00

Pre-nostalgia

It was a great night with sights and sounds of power
I was going to show you the way i was going to go
With out running or hiding, i shared with you infinity
and you showed me, much more than this dark city
Despite the winds that blow the chill into my bones
Forgetting the over all weather all togher!
i thought i heard your voice through the silence
offering your hand out in benevolence
"where are we going?"
And there you were - lying on white sands
with calm blue waters moving over you like hands
soft and gentle, i watch you lay there under the sun
as eyes open, there is no surprise but a smile
natural disbelief with random thoughts of guile
"Come over here."
A welcome with arms wide open, enticing me in
An embrance of unity, pressing two bodies - together
As separation draws near, i can not wait again i fear
another few months before it was to happen once more
the full complete feeling of being able to soar
across palm trees, white sands and blue wates
over adjacent rocky islets off the coast
Some of them larger, greater then most
"We're going over there."
Crashing into a pile of pale melting snow
I have not lost where to go but i have lost sanity
As I, today, unable to dwell on the sands of yesterday
but miss the events of tomorrow causing me sorrow
Pleading that the future i could some how borrow.
"Where am i going?"

2005-11-09T16:08:00.000-05:00

--- Today is the 8th of the eleventh month.
While yesterday marked the halfway point.
Its been three months so far and still going.
there isnt much that has changed since then.
Except the thoughts have become more visceral.
As breathing makes living harder at night,
I try to whisper the comfort that is no where.
The windowsill reflects the dried sheets,
and the strange behavior of the dancing light.
I'd imagine the posibilites that lay with in,
and between white sands and blue waters.
towards its destination...
Beneath the exploding flashes of butterflies,
there is nothing left worthy of nostalgia.
the creation of nothing is in my memory,
As i am left to the rapture of solitude. ---

2005-09-08T13:10:00.000-04:00

Song 2

Passing over the empty park
Watching the falling of the autumn leaves
Along side the drop of the sun into dark
Rolling down my sleeve thinking…
That it’s only the start of September
And it’s going to be a while until we’re together
You picture is tattooed in memory
Pulled up each time it gets dreary…
And a temporary smile comes upon me…

Four more months and its only just begun
September Summer is floating away
October leaves don’t even want to stay
November stretch onto December…
Then I remember… not yet…not yet…
So close and so far, just like the stars…

At the end is when I will be with her
Even if it’s only for a week…
Waiting for her smile to make me weak
Her simple touch to give me goose bumps
Her kiss… that held more to it then a hello
It made me want her never to let go…
I don’t know how I affect her or not
But I feel that she and I are so caught
That these four months won’t be so long…

Four more months and its only just begun
September Summer is floating away
October leaves don’t even want to stay
November stretch onto December…
Then I remember… not yet…not yet…
So close and so far, just like the stars…

Four more months and its only just begun
September Summer is floating away
October leaves don’t even want to stay
November stretch onto December…
Then I remember… that I love her…
So close and so far… just like the stars…

2005-09-08T13:08:00.000-04:00

Song 1

It’s just the first night we’re apart
And I’m already wasting away
Remembering when and where is started
My words taken with what ever you say
Then I knew I had to get to know you
Now I do, I don’t ever want to let go
Lets take this slow…
Because I really want to get to know… you…

And ever since then
Over and over time moved slower
Every time I was with you…
I know I have more then I deserve
But in the deep of my heart
The drums beat hard for you…
I wait for you… I do…

In our little world we’d retreat
Warding away all types of defeat
Saying all the words we needed to say
And meaning it all ever since that day
We always talked about it all
Even the in between silence that falls
In there I dive into you though your eyes
Inviting light brown eyes…

And ever since then
Over and over time moved slower
Every time I was with you…
I know I have more then I deserve
But in the deep of my heart
The drums beat hard for you…
I wait for you… I do…

But I’m afraid for the first time
And its real fear this time around
Because I cant hear the silent sound
That we take comfort in…
Between us is a deafening din…

I want you to know that I want to see this through
That I’m waiting for you just on the other side
Watching the same sky as I sing this song
Hoping that you hear that I belong
Beside you… and only you…

2005-09-04T23:46:00.000-04:00

in state of mind we are only so blind
to the truth of whats really going on
and there is absolutley nothing happening
with in this hour of three short of midnight
everythings falling and going mellow
as the ambiance slowly crashes down and chilled
relaxation and contemplation soon settle in
of what to ponder upon once more this night
hoping not to think of anything of fright
as there is nothing worse then to scare away
the perfect quiet sound of the world calling out
it speaks of silence in peace and tranquility
calling out to the deep hidden trait of humility
to understand and stay patient to others
as they have no concept yet of the world
even if it already slowly unfolds upon them
swallowing them whole and still alive
trying to save those and help them survive
but how to we aid those who do not want it
as they, still do not fathom whats really going on
sooner or later its going to have to happen
that their minds should slowly open up
and see the world for what it really is
that life isnt all mindless play, song and game
its a web of lies causing heavy loads of responsibility
adding over and over causing uncontroled debility
and then to falter... but after... they learn
to get back up and keep on going, keep on living
and conprehend that a balance of everything is gold
when that is found everything will unfold.

2005-09-04T23:20:00.000-04:00

sooner or later it would all have to be placed on hold
slowly all the pages and letters would flow and unfold
and as these elements scream on down and yell out
the fear it strike's does not faze me or give me doubt
i accept and anticipate all that it bothers to throw
sitting here allowing all the thoughts to pass on slow
i know and understand each and every detail and crease
taking in the biggest breath then slowly release
clearing out the cob webs that tend to cause confusion
allowing the most clean and crip sweet infusion
nothing else matters except the forward communication
where nothing is left and forgotten in suspension
all we wait for is each others time to be here again
and here is where we hold each others hand
paying attention to the din of the silent band
appreciating all that it is, as it should be so
not wanting, rushing or needing to go...

2005-08-26T20:55:00.000-04:00

A refreshing breeze of air, makes it’s seems like it’s too heavy to bear
What a gasp of cool crisp speech with a lack of miscommunication
A calming tranquil fill of pure life breeds nothing but excess energy
So that we, not matter how far, could be still together
Passed the time we’ll be away from each others breath
I said to you I wouldn’t stray away even if you said it was ok
I purposely didn’t listen, I didn’t hear because I have no fear
Of only temporary separation or the cessation of what is ours
Hours of missing a touch, a feel of life breeding something real
Will sooner or later be further from thought as we’re still beside –
Beside one another as we sleep and fall with in the sheets and covers
Soon there after here we are again before each other, together
At a change location where there could be no limitation
Of sands clear white that feel of cold melting ice cream
Wading though the shocking, cooling, inviting blue waters
Sitting together upon the shore gazing upon the skies eyes
Anticipating the newest year that is close, looming upon us
Appreciating more and more with out drama, extra emotion or fuss...

2005-08-09T22:46:00.000-04:00

Walking in and around the surrounding area
i feel a sense of comfort and lack of hysteria
this strange comfort with in the noise
creates this strange feel to keep poise
thinkning once before that boston isnt the place
but then again, where is the right place?
sadly, it took close to two years for appreciation
proper liking of this still queer location
but all induced by once person
should i stay or should i go and leave
to california! where my best friend is
but it seems that i could achieve here, bliss
damn these physical temptations
as i know that its only corporeal flirtations
if i want it i can have it as long as i want it
and i can take it, take it to where i want it
and where should i go to take?
i try not to falter and make no mistake
as this time i will actually bother
to combine this new person and my brother
under the same roof and atmosphere
hopefully making things more clear.

2005-08-01T20:53:00.000-04:00

i know i know, i said i wasnt going to place another intro but this one also needs it.

so i was holding a "book" with in my hand and as i flipped through it and read a few "notes" and "commments" to certain passages with in the book, i could not stand. i remembered way too many things and could not even hold it in my hand...

I couldn’t even look at it…
At all the notes, not one bit
It brings up a boat full of memories
Both pleasurable and hurtful
As I hold this book in my hand
All I can do is stare at what I had
A free flow of pictures pass my head
I could barely stand
The letters of the title so animated
Seemed to dance as I had seated
Taunting me as the night feel upon me
It glowed as I still held it in my hand
I could not let it go or open it up
With in it had many more words
Words of love and thanks…
Also words of painful thoughts
That I dare not look upon
For I have no strength to do so
I know, even if I’ve passed that time
I still feel the weakness in my knees
Hearing “don’t leave me please”
I can feel my heart stop beating
Watching her walk down those steps
I can feel my mind numbing
At the sight of her simple smile
A smile that could shock a blind man
And be humble as even if he can’t see
He could feel the power of her beauty
With in the dark room I sit alone
Hoping for another type of pain
Scratching my skin and breaking my bones
Something else I wish to feel – as I –
I cannot bear to feel that past strike
I still cannot bear to relive that one time
When I said I had loved you, and I did
In reply, you dug your hand deep in my chest
Gripped with in yours my heart
You leaning over kissing me passionately
As your poison tongue made its way
Into and down my throat lower and lower
Until it found my heart where your hand was
And there you crushed it into nothing
Milking it for all it had and then more
Tasting the fruits of painful passion
Your tongue whetting your appetite
Your insatiable appetite for the blood
For the blood of those who bothered to care
The life of those who thought they loved –
They loved someone who was worth something
Cared for someone who could’ve been someone
Sucking the spirits of those who thought that –
All you needed was someone stable, real
Something visceral to the point of acceptance
All we tried to do was give it all to you
And all we got in return was our selves drained –
Drained to the point that we may never believe
That our hearts are mended and blood flows free
Or hour spirits have returned and escaped
Your demon clutches as you your self…
Have been doomed to relive past mistakes
As you are now condemned to feel the pain
The pain that you did not realize you caused…

it had been a while since i wrote because of this certain "inspiration". it was only because of recent drama that i had remembered it all... i tried to help at teh request of my sister and did my best to protect my brother... but what did it cost me? i supposed it cost me nothing and many other things. i remembered and i didnt want to, i gave up silence and i didnt want to. but i would gladly give up much more at the expence of my sisters or my brothers as i do very much love them

...may God strike down with great vengence and anger on to those who opposed my brother... for i am my brothers keeper... ( piece of the book of Ezekiel in the bible)

2005-08-01T20:49:00.000-04:00

i don't normally place an intro but this one i figured could be an exception. this thing i wrote came about as i was inspired by the stranges thing, someone elses mishap. normally, i do not derive inspiration from someone elses drama because normally, i am inspired by objects, events of my own past, feelings and philosophy. anyways, here it is as i question if i dare post this for the world too see... on the other hand... i dont really care anyway...

Why is it happening again? Again…
Mistakes were made over and over…
But you didn’t earn, what then? What then?
Over and over again, you –
- And only you are stuck to relive
Every little detail until you will – fail
Forced to cycle through the time of waiting
Redundantly failing…

You say that you said it all
That you gave your heart away
Falling so deep to shallow waters
Saying it all but I know, I know
I know you didn’t mean it
I know you didn’t mean it after all

Wondering from day to day
About what just happened
Always wanting what you can’t have
Never satisfied or content
Unable to realize that mistakes were made
Even after the lessons taught
past the existentialism on prom night
Stubbornly stable
Unyielding to open, instead only wanting to fight

You say that you said it all
(But wonder why it happened again)
That you gave your heart away
(But you were unwilling to stay)
Falling so deep into shallow waters
(That is why I went away)
Saying it all but I know, I know
(You were too impatient to stay)
I know you didn’t mean it
(I know you couldn’t do it)
Because I know, you really didn’t want it
(You’re stuck to relive it all)

All the mistakes you knew you were making
Pretending to be living your life
When only you’re just dying
You’re already dead…to me…

You say that you said it all
(But wonder why it happened again)
That you gave your heart away
(But you were unwilling to stay)
Falling so deep into shallow waters
(That is why I went away)
Saying it all but I know, I know
(You were too impatient to stay)
I know you didn’t mean it
(I know you couldn’t do it)
Because I know, you really didn’t want it
(You’re stuck to relive it all)

(after a second look, i guess its a song.)

2005-08-01T20:48:00.000-04:00

Estancia

All alone in this barren flat
With in the darkness of the night I sat
Waiting, watching for the light to shine
Searching for strange shadows to define
What was left, the lines on the sand
In my confusion I held out my hand

And she took it…

The light is shinning from the sky
Bright colors, emanating from up high
Humor and laughter is all I can hear
But yet, things are dark and still unclear

I want her to be by my side
Sitting and drinking not needing to hide
Talking and loving, not caring at all
Even as we walk down this long dark hall

With her I forget how to be sad
Things are not good, nor bad
She grabbed my world and it shook
Suddenly, things are clear where ever I look

Taking her in with every breath I take
Photos in my head that I now make
Taking a wrong step into a darkness
I had lost my sight
Feeling around for that familiar caress
I realized, I had lost my light

I blindly follow the lost scent
Falling down so far into a deep decent

The sun slipped a note under my door
Sliding through, across the floor
Making its way towards my eyes
Wiping away the tears from my cries

It said that I still had strength to fight
Towards the light, during this dark night
But still I think I cannot do this alone
Tearing my skin, into broken bone

- AbsentDuo

2005-07-25T15:37:00.000-04:00

In our current life, there are few things that dictate how we live. We bother so much with time and physicality that we forget that in truth time does not exist and physicality is not permanent.

Time is only found with in paradoxical logic. Only with in time can you say that the present does not really exist. We can say that the future is instantaneously transformed into the present hence we always experience the future. Then again, we can also say that the present is always happening. The present is in permanent existence because as the future is experienced it is constantly morphed into the present. As for the past, when it is remembered, is seen as if it were happening during the present.

So what is this fascination with time? Are we so consumed that we do not see the truth? That time itself does not follow linear logic? It’s disappointing to see people always wonder and worry where the time goes and how fast it flies away. They must in some way change their view upon the world and see it as not a linear piece of machinery but an interwoven web of energy with “Time” used as its scaffolding.

Physicality is what drives most people in their life. May it be the pursuit of something beautiful to the eye, appealing to taste, smell and hearing, and tingling to the touch, this is what most people seek out. But can we truly depend on our senses when they are limited in range and quality to begin with? Can we truly depend on them when needed if they are constantly debilitating, as we get older? The truth is that physicality is fleeting. Our senses weaken and lessen over time. Thus making living life on a materialistic state, pointless. For what is the point of living life with all the materials in the world if soon, you could not see it, feel it, hear it, smell it or taste it?

What can we depend on then if our senses are deceptive? Can we then depend on “certainties”? Certainties like the cooling effect of iced coffee on a hot day or the shocking fear of a car crash. Can we then depend on that what we know could be true? Do we know our more solid, more visceral certainties; pain, hate, love, joy & elation; Emotions? Because even if their power may be unbearable at times, and difficult to control, we know what those emotions feel like. The only subjective thing would be the effect of these emotions upon people but the fact still remains that pain is pain and happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.

It had been a little over three years since he had seen his home. The place he knew, the place he grew up, met and made friends, had his first kiss under a tree, where his family lived, his home. He left paradise for a few reasons. Such as the blinding glory of starting from scratch and making people proud, sacrifices made so that his fathers burden would not be so heavy, living everyday, day to day as if there was no tomorrow and when it came, live it again. Michael was his name. He was gone for so long that he grew up. He lived so many days and in that learned many things. He learned how the world really worked. He had thought that the world was a great place, it was; but it wasn’t always as great as he had imagined. The world at times would be warm but there were days as if it swallowed up everyone and blended it into one big smear of conformity. This, Michael did not care for. He was and still is somewhat of a rebel. Sometimes he was a rebel with a cause but sometimes he was a rebel in search of one. But this was not important to him currently, because it was time to go back home, replenish his glass, which appeared to be almost empty.

2005-07-06T00:02:00.000-04:00

Pathways

If I got up and left this place
I don’t think it would matter
no one bothers or cares to see
who we really and meant to be

Here I stand before the fork
And the road I picked; dark and dingy
on my way to see the light
as all I knew was the darkest night

Towards the flicker and heat i go
before me a pyre there is glows
such an orange tinge separate from black
sharing the warming heat i lack

to follow that light i suppose i go
and at the end, an even brighter glow
of that day out side the cave i reside
where my friends i will be beside

with vibrations floating around
coupled with the musical sound
smiles, laughs, and stories shared
making this life easier to bear

2005-06-29T15:18:00.000-04:00

A Lack Of Ataraxia

What are these answers i seek out?
Why do i bother? What do i doubt?
Is It this place? This empty room I'm in.
Or is it the air i breathe as it wears thin
I feel my self beginning to choke
Remembering old words i spoke
Physicality of this world is fleeting
as living life is all thats worth remembering
the fact that the present is constant
the future is always truant
to live in the now is all that matters
laughing and crying with new characters
what is it with this map? its so boring
change map would me more exciting
if and when i do, will it be that same?
or will change be once more to blame?
as i move away from this day
tomorrow will still end up similar to today
i desire happiness i suppose
but with in my mind is torture enclosed
will being where i choose matter?
if this corporeal setting will soon falter
why do i even bother with this
as i should not desire eternal bliss...

2005-05-23T00:52:00.000-04:00

Through The Looking Glass

A sleepless night of jaded wonder and detachment
Questioning the possibility of eternal contentment

As every person walks these streets blind
Looking straight forward, not side or behind

A revenant mimicking a lithe
Unable to see, feel and experience blithe

Constantly in motion with a lack in emotion
Nothing else but time in consideration

Is there not one in current existence ready?
To seek out and know how to be happy

With knowledge comes more then just sorrow
It could mean the end of the coming tomorrow

Except that to seek it means to know balance
To be the Jester, gerrymander under a trance

Purposely walk the roads not taken
Apologize for nothing and be forgiven

Continue on and view the wonders of living
With out losing pieces of you or anything

Come see the light and hear the sound
Sit down and feel the vibrations of the ground

Marvel in complete awe at the visions here
And know that there is nothing left to fear

For if you can keep the contents of your glass
And appreciate the beauty everyone has

To feel free and away from the constraints of reality
Fight off the striking power of debility

Dream and know that there is another day
Speak until there is nothing left to say

Live life as life is led to the zenith obstruction
Smash the confines to feel each and every sensation

2005-05-20T00:32:00.000-04:00

Promise Insanity

There were clear skies that night
Bright and shining stars coupled with moonlight
Nothing could go wrong, it was all so right

We could hear the echo of the silent din
Warming, cooling relaxing from with in
Addicting is this action close to sin

We shared our hands in basic touch
Not wanting to move or shift too much
Lost with in the others eyes and such

Feeling every crevice in each finger
Our hands coupled so close together
Every smile made us clinch tighter

Promising not to move with out voice
Where, to consort, is our understood choice

New days bring new clouds of rain
Trilling down waves of drops that stain
Unmasking an unfathomable pain

But not of minor cuts to physicality
But of wounds deep into inner individual tranquility
Forcing greatly unwanted debility

Numerous promises reamain unkept
"Desire!" incite me to that of what I covet
Following blindly, making my path set

A path too dark and narrow to see
A road so far from sidewalks leading to memory
Residing with in the darkness, "Leave me be"

I await the homecoming of that who has broken troth
As I would much rather keep my oath

Keeping my oath of sacrificial vivacity
Is strengthening my voice to insanity

2005-05-08T13:30:00.000-04:00

Empty Crucible

Attraction to certain similarities; inevitable
a hint of distaste towards such is possible
an amount of bitter-sweet symphony; unbearable
tranference of more then physicality; irresponsible
hesitation during basic conversation
an aspect separate from a known conviction
leading to unwanted frustration -
upon everyday communication
reling on this mood; being "pensive"
hoping for more color and to be creative
away from this nonexistence to live
having had so much but now none to give
gliding through the emotional purgatory
a grey spot with in this white story
waiting to move, to have more wieght to carry
So i could fall six feet down and burried
attraction to manipulation i place myself in
surrounded by the echoing silent din
closing eyes with an expressive grin
towards the fallacy we are living in.

2005-04-19T23:40:00.000-04:00

I dont want to make the same mistakes.
The same mistakes i made with you.
You smiled, i looked away.
I dont even know why i couldn't stay
You took your seat next to mine.
I stood up and drank my wine.
The same mistakes i made with you
I cant bear to make them again.
But if you think about it,
i wasnt the one who quit.
Even after i realized my faults, my action were wrong.
You took your heart and soul then walked away from my heart.
Making the same mistake with you I cannot do
Because I cant bear to see you go
i cant bear to do it all again.
Not with you. Not with anyone else.
I just want another chance to make it up, but when?
I guess i cant blame you as you turn away
Because thats what I did to you and what ever else you have to do
I just have to take it,breathe deep and keep it in
like that final puff from my last cig
A calming breathe, but a bitter sweet thought
for i have no more cig's left.

By: AbsentDuo

2005-04-14T13:13:00.000-04:00

Untitled Time

its been a while since the last time
late at night, theres still nothing
its not what i think i hope
considering its not simple, but mundane
the verdure of the forest beside me
pearl clouds look like cotton candy above
the shine of yellow and red beneath me
glaring blue of the waters and playful wind
this night was not as dark as the last
bright shine of the moon, the under rated moon
its not what i think i hope but--
its leading to it, moving towards it
so i crash to repel it from comming
knocking my head on the soft flower bed
unconscious i dream of nothing else but--
but its comming. it is inevitable
the fact that the ticking dial isnt stopping
always moving, towards another time
towards my time, my turn, am i ready?
i assume i am...

2005-04-03T00:31:00.000-05:00

Que Esta?

Que esta? Que es amor?
Amor es bailar, es cantar, es escribir?
Que esta? Que es amor?
Deseo hablar con el amor
Yo neccito hablar te amor
"Porque Te quiero amor!" me dijo
"Es bailar, es cantar, es escribir!"
"Amor es respirar, es vivir!"
"Porque te quiero amor!"
Silencio, confusion, curioso es amor
"Yo soy el amor" amor dijo
"Yo soy sensual, pasion!"
"Pero, Por que me buscas?"
"Por que te quiero amor?"
"Cuanto me amas?"

To those who speak spanish better then i do: dont mind me! im just trying to make my way in a new language. hence anyone that can help me fix it is greatly appreciated.

2005-03-28T23:56:00.000-05:00

Our Last Summer

Its friday night, summer time again
driving down to the beach with friends
living out the longer days of sun light
waiting for the stars to come out tonight
we hang around and watch the waves crash
around each other, around the bonfire

*its our last summer together
staring up at the flashing stars
across the sky that night, that summer
we try to forget we're leaving
just trying to remember the day we all met
the days of our last summer

these memories we have wont ever fade
the new times we have made
sitting on the sand by the beach
watching everyone laugh and play
all of us just living in this day
this day of our summer
our summer together

*its our last summer together
staring up at the flashing stars
across the sky that night, that summer
we try to forget we're leaving
just trying to remember the day we all met
the days of our last summer

**could i stop time and stay here forever?
with my friends this summer?
i would do anything to relive those days
but happy we made those memories!

*its our last summer together
(we made it worth while)
staring up at the flashing stars
(it was worth it all)
across the sky that night, that summer
(watching the stars fall)
we try to forget we're leaving
(keeoing each other in mind)
just trying to remember the day we all met
(the day we met on our first summer)
the days of our last summer
(our last summer together)

* chorus
** bridge
( ) second voice

2005-03-27T15:55:00.000-05:00

Dreaming To Wake

The world spins another way when you're here,
When you’re around, you trouble my mind
All I see, all I do, it doesn’t matter to me
It’s all just an illusion of reality
I sleep to dream and I feel your hair
That dream of you becomes my nightmare

So many times I’ve been tempted by your game
The fake promises you make are all the same
Between what you feel inside and what you say
Its what I’ve been pondering since that day
And the second it all came crashing down

The tears won't fall, my emotions are cold
I promise my self it will all be all right
I feel at fault striving for the path I should be taking
Knowing, that I’m ready, ready to run back
Back to you and return to how things were
Blindly breaking the promise to save myself

I try so hard not to see myself with you
But when you speak, you make me want to
For now…
You won’t rest in my thoughts any longer
I lay awake not to dream or know you
I can’t dream you because I adore you
I can’t know you because I love you

By: Alana Barretto & AbsentDuo

2005-03-25T01:42:00.000-05:00

5Minutes

I scribbled down in 5mins with my tainted brush
frustration, alteration of feelings; the rush
explination of this ache caught by my neck
ready to slice it open just so i could check
issues of my own, confusion due to doubt
trying to understand what this is really all about
to find the one with omerta is what i need
insatiable hunger for answers, i must feed
objective views that dont really exist
this is because i still strongly resist
that there is no true objective view
on how things work or what to do
there is only opinion, perception
of those others fighting deception
behind the silent screams of quiestioning
there are those around you listening
waiting, wanting to lend out a helping hand
picking you up from 6 feet beneath the sand
they carry you and all your wieght
the girth and mass of your own fate
for as mushy as these things may sound
the people around you, love you abound
nothing else matters except that you're fine
safe and alright because all we have is time.

2005-03-19T13:56:00.000-05:00

No Mans Land

Passing all the shadows of my mind, the pyres burn slow
To what road does it show; which one will I follow?
Upon the wicker bridge of weaved mixed emotions of –
Love and confusion, anger and satisfaction; uncertainty
I stand here, unsteady, not ready for the coming night
Chilling fright rises up and falls down, down, down
Shaken knees crashing trees towards the salted earth
Sinking the arch into the firth bellow, making a pontoon
It does not float away, stationary it stays; But soon –
It could shimmy, shake, and sink into the shallowly deep
Sitting up, wondering to cross over to the other side –
Never to look back at the scorched land as the arch burns
Making my way towards the end, I hear the noise a friend
Speaking, shouting, saying that it didn’t have to fall
Not having to give it all up, to collect the specs of dust
As that is the worth of not willing to sacrifice, or rather,
Sacrifice the wrong instead of the right during this starless night
Keep what makes sense, past, present or future tense
It doesn’t matter, to keep the old with the new for it does only one –
Only one thing, keeping everything in sync, in motion
Letting go of all that once was, the great things that made us
Getting close only to turn away, asking the firefly’s to stay
To make way, to leave light shinning to another road
Knocking down the subtle pyres revealing a less traveled -
A path towards a darkened wood of sequoia girth –
Shall I travel this on my own as first anticipated?
Quietly I stand still and stare back at the smoky remains
I cannot go back, now that the burned bridge shows no way
So far from what I know, the familiar sounds still call out
To live with out a doubt, and always remember the summer
Or sun and shine of warmth and comfort; a shield of hope
Wading through what lies beyond where I stand
Here I am before a new horizon, of purple and gray
Watching the crimson blood of tomorrow thinking of nothing
But the whites and blues of yesterday’s sky; greens and yellows of life
Comfort of earthy brown tones; the comfort of my home
Drowning in the poison of new air, thinner difficult air
Dark and dingy corners, crawling bracken over me
Diethyl ether over whelming with power causing one outcome
The loss of memory, of those making me, of the lost path to the trees

2005-03-16T00:57:00.000-05:00

What Dreams May Come

Cross the shallow lake dry and cold
watching every leaf fall and unfold
i sit beneath the crytalline floor
leaving behind the shattered door
a wave of chilling, wailing sound
the known darkness was so profound
to the point of rousal and waking
sitting, standing and searching
For that what makes me break the glass
i can not rest, wait or let is pass
it must be found, delt with and done
before we watch as i crash into the sun
to the cheers of everyone i stride
straight ahead my eyes move behind
there is nothing there but the door
to a barren waste, an eyesore
the echoing siren of noise floats
running towards it with flapping coats
i find this photo of what once was
a connection of everthing, of us.
realizing that it would always be
no matter what, just you and me
but how could this be so true?
it was you you broke me, you!
bloodied shards of heart and soul
a stench rotten and foul
it lays on the floor, each piece -
ember's flicker off and fall upon them all
igniting it, a mocking call
to know the source of pain and anguish
is also the love and life lavish
is a bitter sweet memory
that the heavenly angelic beauty
was the same one who crushed me
i sit here, under the solemn tree
trying to understand all of this
thatthe source of pain and bliss
of love and hurt, is all one person
some one that holds each and every season
with in the palm of her hand
is still where i wish to stand
in love and memory for eternal reverie.

2005-03-12T15:30:00.000-05:00

To The Graduating Batch of 2005

The night before the big day, I can’t sleep, not even pray
I lean on the ledge and stare out onto the sky
Hoping, wishing, wanting to fly – far and away
To cast my shadow on what happened yesterday –
And on the events of today until tomorrow.

I cannot sleep as my mind dances around the bonfire
I move from side to side laughing, never to tire
With those I call friends and family we talk and chat
Listening to the wind whisper all the things that
We as eternal friends wished to never hear.

The time has come to live our lives away from this wall
Broadened shoulders that protected us, standing so tall
Sagaciously keeping us in check and safe
It stood there covering our beauty as we played flippantly
With no idea’s that soon, regrettably, it would have to end

Dancing, playing, walking, running, singing together
Said we all would be friends forever –
Always to enjoy each other’s company and smiles
So many beautiful bodies fusion, into an almost orgy
Of close friends turned family, knowing and loving eternally

I take my place upon the chilling bed feeling the loneliness
I try to sleep the dreamless sleep as no memories intrude
But it cannot be helped; they enter no matter how rude
Hence it’s all forgotten that we will be downtrodden
By the only thing that tries to keep us apart – time.

I wake to the sounds of tomorrow and warmth of the sun.
Looking over I see the ivory silk that will set me apart –
From the regular child, as I enter more dangerous waters
Thinking as I put the silk on, all the times of mindless fun
All the times of drama would be over and done.

Walking up towards that musty theater – memories of all of us together
Dancing and cheering, playing ball and hanging around.
Surrounded by our parents and brothers and sisters abound.
To be the center of attention as today is our day of celebration
And of unwanted separation from what we know

A promise that we would always be loved by one another
Catch each other if ever we fall and try not to say goodbye
walking side by side with each other
All looking similar in ivory white knowing this day
Would lead to a bitter sweet night

This fascinating new thing of graduating is underway
Surrounded by family and friends and teachers and lovers
Watching each get up and stand on stage accepting
That piece of parchment sealing our agreement
Three classes of twenty-eight to thirty – walk up slowly

The sun is falling and so is the time of this event
Mingling of hands and words surround the theater
Smiles and tears dance around from face to face
Hugs and kisses flow in with love overwhelming
Photo’s recording, shifting from place to place

I close my eyes and let this whole thing pass me by
There is no more time left to promise once more
The eternal love and more and more that us friends share
In times of trouble and too things to heavy to bear
We will at our best remember that we are still together

At great distances most travel, some close some far –
Compared to the rest, over waters and mountains 'cross
Towards deserts, beaches, cities and suburbs they go
Into hives and communal buildings – living or so called
With new bodies and faces no where near the ones we know

In all we shall experience in the coming days away from our walls
We should know the promise be made between each other
That no matter the distance, the anger and frustration
Between the songs of the birds in flight above
We’re friends turned family, together no matter the circumstance

We’re friends and more, remembering each other no matter the distance.
And thankfully been placed with in similar walls
Getting to know more then who we are and accepting it
Loving each other, past the mistakes of others remembering –
The shadow of our friendship as it will never leave ours; nevermore.

2005-02-28T13:36:00.000-05:00

Promenade

A bright shade, a reddish hue
Flowing silk garment over you
Mimicking the darkest colored rose
Stopping eyes where it goes
Swing open the double doors
The lights reflecting of the floors
Attention taken away from their sides
All the rules no one abides
The envy of every gown
Increasing the happy frown
The seats are taken except for one
All the chaos is undone
As that one seat is occupied
All the fear is amplified
As the one seat is all alone
While'st no other emotion is shown
Where has it hidden for so long?
In front there seemed to be nothing wrong
But deep down with in –
There was a great old sin
Where the beauty of color dies
Fallen down never to arise
Although it’s synonymous to perfect
Nothing seems to be correct
Apparently some things missing
Still waiting and wanting
Only in the inside though
Where is has no where else to go
Still the epitome of everything right
Makes up everything in height
Nothing matters except your kismet
As I bear no immediate threat
I stand aside and look onward
Next to those who bend downward
Still the bright shade of reddish hue
Watching the silk garment move over you

2005-02-27T20:18:00.000-05:00

All I Wanted To Do

Maybe there is more to this then you think.
Phase in time longer then just a wink
I have given much more then I should've.
Much more then the act of love
But in all of this, you forget one thing –
There must be more to bring
Something coming from where you live
And that would be worth more then I could give.
Apparently it wasn’t enough for you
That I was willing to sacrifice what I do
As always, you never listened to me!
Hopped around living flippantly
It seems as if you don’t belong here
But there’s nothing else you know I fear
why couldn’t you admit you were afraid
No matter, I would’ve stayed
Its just that you never looked straight ahead
And understand what I said
Not just with hearing but with everything
But still, there was nothing
Its calling you out
You saw much more beyond a doubt
Still flipping around then ran another way
Not hearing anything I had to say
I couldn’t read your rolling eyes
Past your hello’s and goodbye’s
Now, left with one prevailing thought
That no emotion was caught
Only the fleeting fact forgotten
That nothing was exchanged or given
Beneath the angered heat of the sun
I lay, dying, dead; I’m done

2005-02-26T16:38:00.000-05:00

Quicker is the sand

A late night stroll down this hollow trail
A figure, cat like ears and a tail
It walked upright, standing straight and tall
I run, follow it into the wood
Fear holds me back, but I knew I could

Deep with in the darker woods I go
Crows begin to gather above, slow
Maybe they knew something I didn’t
There, a snap comes from beneath the wet
I unconsciously stop and forget

The previous rain had loosened the mud
Wind rustling the leaves came like a flood
But I didn’t give it a second thought
It pushed me down, deep into the sand
Grabbing anything, I graze my hand

The cat like shadow creature appeared
It came to devour me I feared
Instead, it offered its hand to me
As I reached out to pull my self up
You let me go and then a loud flop!

You’re teasing me with your open hand
I’m sinking deeper into the sand
You laugh at me when I can’t take it
Why did you bother and try to aid
When all you wanted to do was fade

Beyond my grasp you sit and then stare
your shadowy face begins to fair
Why are you still sitting there quiet?
You stare like I am nothing
And all you do is sit there, laughing

So here deep with in the sand I stay
All that I have left is yesterday
It seems there is nothing left to fear.

2005-02-17T11:32:00.000-05:00

Cansado de amor pero estoy esperando

i find my self ready to speak your name
but i stop and begin to refrain
inspite of great power and emotion
there is only one great conclusion -
mastication, preparation of the truth
to be taken and kept with in
i distract my self with simple thiking
urging and making thoughts fade
events and pictures in my head away-
hoping that someday, something would happen
aside from the obvious fact of being forgotten
i walk the barren city streets
sitting by each buildings feet
walking in and out of every hall
staring at the sky so tall
alone i am this day and yesterday and -
by tomorrow who knows what will follow
life at a day to day basis
hides chaotic and destructive crisis
Uncertainty of where to go, what to do
Uncertainty of what should be true
i still stand here alone waiting
cansado de amor and nothing more
what i think of instead of you
is what you are really up to
not seeing life beyond the present
and discarding past events as presents
no matter what happens to me this day
i wish you'd realize yesterday, today -
tomorrow, they're all interlocked
all basically one thing in one block
i keep that door open for you
waiting for you to wake up and do
what you have to, grow up and not think you are
wake up and not dream you are
see that being mature in childish ways
bring about much better days
i leave that door open for that time
when maybe you could once more be mine
y soy cansado! pero estoy esperanto

2005-02-16T00:06:00.000-05:00

Haunting

Here i stand between a forking road
into the darkend forest of short and tall-
Green soldiers await my entrance
with all the things they could offer
there are things that they do hide
on what they offer or hide, i know not what
for i still stand before the fork
taping my foot on the dirt ground
must i know who i am to know where im going?
what if there is nothing? and i am nothing
but a hollow shell of a past monster
the skeleton of a wretched beast
I pull my self down to the ground
and lay beneath the red nights sky-
Imagining when we were once something
ripping at the soud, a blending of personas
delivering each other to final destination
as the two stand before the precipice
and ready to lead into the heat of reality
you slay me, rip me and tear me away - rather -
tear your half, that piece away
ripping right away, refusing rest, refusing reality
leaving the hollow shell to lay lifeless
hence the shell is not the shadow that haunts
but the hunted, the pray, the derision
on which road i dare take i do not know
maybe the one which hieghtens and narrows
something away from the light
where no shadow is cast, only a darkness
for with in that, there is nothing left to fear
for we all would be the skeletons -
in every closet...

2005-02-14T13:17:00.000-05:00

Ranting

its just a tawdry teen lust thing
thats how it was in the beggining
even if parts of us see specialness
its just we were runnin low
on dramatic irony
which makes the whole thing just funny
Rush of blissful idiotic sense
came from each others presence
i want for once to come out ahead
instead of you leaving my bed
trying to cast this little spell
to stop the time you fell
and make it all back to normallcy
instead of this hightened state of insanity
with each thought i bash my head in
hopeing that i'd just stop thinking
have nothing left in my mind
drilling in my memory with nothing to find
with each metaphore, similie and what not
all i see, the times we faught
with each personification
was a painful presentation
of other ways we could've done things
other ways we could've ended the beggining
onamatopoeia, the sound of the smashing soul
and crackin heart, dont sound so appart
i saw this with such anger i dont know why
when beneath this rant is all that i want
the opposite of this is happiness and bliss
the days spent with you for you're all i knew
the real love that i thought i knew
was apparently always with in you
but then again... fuck it
lets back tract to what i said before
instead of the urge and the need
instead of all my selfish greed
not worth the second chance, rather glance
of what we once were and that was it
and now im going to forget it
why? no one knows why but me
and i just want to be happy
and if you being away forgetting
might make things better for me
just remember to stop and think
"why i did run away from the brink
the brink of love and lust and want
why have i become immature and lost
from what i want which was always you"
think of that, as i, have these days
but now no more for i must stop
because its tearing me out
confusion due to doubt no more
as im flat face down on the floor
i've lost the ability to think
maybe cuz i've past that brink
the egde of reality, the loss of mentality
the loss of the red life with in my veins
pouring out onto the floor cuz' of this bane.

2005-02-11T23:36:00.000-05:00

Mummer

As i watch this leaf fall
i wondered how look it took to die
from birth to death, what an adventure
there is no sadistic thought, no.
just an eternal curiosoty of when
only when because being ready is not ready
and im am not ready. but i am
hence it is alright as the scythe
comes to slice down the wise thrice
the down they fall, no matter how tall
as the black cat crossed road
and luck has finally run out
does not that mean beyond a doubt
that there should be no more
no more of these black cats?
then maybe, our luck with death is none
just the natural order until we're gone
forever that is, but luckily there is
memory with in those who live
but who will remember
that we were all once together
if there is no one left
who would sit down and bother to think
imagine and see, that we were once
amazingly happy.

2005-02-11T23:15:00.000-05:00

Outside the Windows

Two windows with the same view
a blacken pavement with segregations
and great metal monsters in hibernation
with the noise of silence shattered by
the deafening sound of childish cries
after all they do see, more the there is to be
but when i look, a different point i took
in the darkness of nothing except
the echoing of what it is that lived there
was the sight of empty space
nothing on the ground, no trace, there there was
something, rather someone resides with in
i sit, a continue on but not on foot
with my eyes as far as senses go
where does it lead me, where else is there to be
a pathless wood is what this is
but no dark or light trees, no green shrubberies
no wind or breeze, no feeling, nothing except one
posibility of creation. something of ones mind
as feelings translate into words and
written upon the walls, a light was shone.
each stroke and cursive rune glowed
i could spend eternity with in these walls
not falling so there is more light
not missing any thought to be placed
just on these walls bends
another escape from that we see
the responsibilities of eternity
but all there is, is this
blacken pavement with segregations
with great metal Behemoths at rest
while small ones play, and shatter the noise
that tranquil noise of silence
with the childish screams of tomorrow

2005-02-11T23:03:00.000-05:00

Flurries

i look outside the window and see falling snow
light and fluffy, a dancing scene of beauty
as the fall, kicking on their way down--
to the ground they go. They melt.
the break as glass hits the floor
each little shined piece of soul
is lost and fused with the blacken pavement
winds come and breezes through the white flak
I wondered if there was more then the loss of white
As seen outside this window, a sensable sight.
i take those steps down and out the door
and stand beneath the middle sky and
save the fallen flakes from assimilation
or take then into me, and take them for mine
as is the life of a snow, rain and suns rays
for it not to accumulate atop roofs or trees
to weigh it down and cave it in to crash --
is no purpose. to dance and sway
from above to below, a floating grace onto the ground
at times this takes me away, as i dance
and become lost away from the land
imagining my self pearched upon white sand
behind the frozen wind, a feeling of warmth
for i am away from all that needs attention
shuffle the papers from top to bottom
not caring of which it began or ended
toss them up and away they dance,
like the snow, the rain, the rays of the sun
the dance of the present, to revel in it
not in fear of tomorrow but in excitment of today
that is what each snow flake conveys,
to dance and gracely crash down upon the ground
and be assimilated and once more carried up
to be reborn, to live that other day
is blissful excitement and not fear
of the comming tomorrow
what could be better then to float
float along with the curves of this wind

2005-02-06T11:07:00.000-05:00

A Comment From Rye

Wait

When everything seems to be going right
and nothing was getting in our way
you tell me that its not the right time
and that you want me to be here waiting

I never knew a problem so deep ran in our love
Wait, is that what you want me to do? are you sure?
Tell me what's wrong, I want to try, I want to help.
I felt it was too good to be true, I guess I was right all along.

We had too much fun, and now I guess it catches up to us.
I heard you were leaving, when were you planning to say?
In your eyes I can see the feelings you hide, but now
dont you dare say good bye, I am willing to give up everthing!

My Comment

From what can spring both joy and agony?
Create both a great and unworthy reverie?
This, Whatever it is could not be pleasing.
It has no defined meaning - hence
If there is meaning, why the value?
Both death and life are based on whats true
And this too is a basis for living
But also is a basis for dying
Nothing should have the ability
To restore vigor and inflict debility
This, whatever this is, cant keep doing this
It hurts more with the teasing of bliss
It goes deep with in the mind and into the heart
but what is ther to do, when it is a great part
a part of who we are and why we live
a part of why we keep going or rather, dying.
Love cant keep doing this to us
Tease us with happiness and then betray our trust

2005-02-06T10:14:00.000-05:00

Im not sure how i feel
because none of it feels real
i thought i knew what i had
but am i happy or sad
i have to get up and away
i have to escape

im not sure how i feel
is this real?
i can see you, touch you
i can hug you, kiss you
the shock strikes me
and pulls me out of the darkness
out of my dreams

im not sure how i feel
if i only knew the truth
maybe i wouldnt be so confused
i know how you feel and
all you do is roll your eyes
mixed signals cant be read
i have to escape

im not sure how i feel
is this real?
i can see you, touch you
i can hug you, kiss you
the shock strikes me
and pulls me out of the darkness
out of my dreams
and into the light
to find out the truth
if i only knew the truth about it

fate deliver me to where im goin
where ever that is i dont care
i want to know the truth
i know my truth
and i just want to know
if our truths are the same

2005-02-02T21:11:00.000-05:00

Seasons Greetings

Its spring time again and theres nothing here
Tree's grow with the warming breeze
The land is moist ripe with growing fear
It’s almost ready, and it’s just a tease
The playful wind comes and goes
With it the life of what once there -
Is now gone and away it flows
The weight of this time is too heavy to bear
Summer moves up and takes hold
It's heat gives temporary life to the rest
But soon, all its anger unfolds
Tear it all down, even the best
It offers its hand to everything
But quickly takes it away
Luring it’s pray to jump into nothing
But summer will only last today
Fall is an appropriate season
It readies the land for suffering
But is that its only reason?
Take away life as the offering
To the new coming times of pain
So itself will not be harmed or hurt
But its efforts are always in vain
Because with death it flirts
Here now is winter
It takes away, the sun, the life the heat
And what the other season put together
Gifts trampled upon by a thousand feet
There is nothing left but debility
Destroyed what the other seasons offer
The peace and tranquility
Because it was all just a bother

I still find my-self having days with out drive. Why? I have ideas why but none concrete. Fluttering around in my head are images of what I want, whom I want and what I want to do and vice versa. But for now, I still just want one thing; rather, I still want one person.

2005-02-01T10:50:00.000-05:00

Something For Everyone. (more or less)

CURRENT MAGAZINE
By Jake Jeppson

Winter 2004 - As I lie awake in bed each night, my
mind wrestles with a neverending slideshow of the last
few years of my life. Each image shows a different
place and different people, and as the pictures flash,
I alternately recognize the faces of my closest
friends and struggle to recall the names of others,
even though their arms are slung over my shoulders.
This is a consequence of my life’s perpetual change
over the past few years.

During the last four years, I have taken two years off
from school and transferred colleges, only to withdraw
from the last after a single semester. A desire to
fill my brain with practical skills as well as
academic knowledge provokes each bizarre twist. I am
proud that I have been able to keep my footing
throughout my many adventures, but I have lost the
emotional continuity that the college environment
affords someone my age. The bonds that form during
these years – the ties that connect people for the
rest of their lives – are just loose pieces of string
for me. And sometimes I feel intellectually empty when
I think about my friends across the country, sitting
in dusty library basements researching their senior
theses.

Each one of us is as different as the treasures you
discover at your neighborhood yard sale, and each one
of us wonders where our college successes and failures
will take us in the long run. I am 22 years old and I
have been in six different environments in five years.
Just this year, I’ve called Vermont, Texas, DC and
Boston “home.” My friends are all about to graduate
from college, and I am only halfway through. What am I
doing with my life?

Still, I know that I am not alone in asking this
question. Others worry about financial debts, graduate
school, relationships. Our individual stories are
different, but we are united by this common anxiety.
Go into any bookstore’s self-help section and you can
find titles like “How to Survive Your Quarterlife
Crisis” or the more scholarly, “Emerging Adulthood:
The Winding Road from the Late Teens through the
Twenties.” The latter reports that the average
American holds seven or eight different jobs between
the ages of 18 and 30. Half of us will move back into
our childhood homes. Today, most Americans wait to
marry until they are 27, a number that has increased
by five years since 1970. In our early twenties, our
generation, full of excitement and apprehension,
stands at a giant precipice staring into a valley
called “adulthood.”

(Click bellow to continue)
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6622923/site/newsweek/

It is really like a virus.
You'll never know when it will hit. It hits at various ages, some earlier,
some later. Some people are never hit and some people dont know if they are
hit. Some people are perpetually hit. Many times, it hits in cycles.
well whatever it is, its there. so what right? no fear; not anymore atleast.
things should be experienced to the fullest and then we must detach. like a shirt,
we wear it until we're tired of it, then we take it off. love, hate, anger,
confusion, pitty, happiness all of it, wear it like its yours then detatch
from it becasue perpetually wearing an emotion subjects us to only that one
emotion and nothing else. and that carries with it great danger.

so last week, i wore the emotion of home-sickness, my heart breaking, anger and confusion due to doubt and more. so i learned what i can from it. now i detatch, ready to wear another shirt, because living is what makes life great.

"For the bitter and the sweet" - Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In
Heaven

There is no other way. For in every experience bad or good, a wise person
knows that there is something to be learned and cherished.

Equilibrium

2005-01-29T22:32:00.000-05:00

Robert Frost: The Man and His Work - 1923

"Sometimes I have my doubts of words altogether, and I ask myself what is the place of them. They are worse than nothing unless they do something; unless they amount to deeds, as in ultimatums or battle-cries. They must be flat and final like the show-down in poker, from which there is no appeal. My definition of poetry (if I were forced to give one) would be this: words that become deeds."

"All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech."

"There are two types of relists: the one who offers a good deal of dirt with his potato to show that it is a real one, and the one who is satisfied with the potato brushed clean. I'm inclined to be the second kind. To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form"

"A poem begins with a lump in the throat; a home-sickness or a love-sickness. It is a reaching-out toward expression; an effort to find fulfillment. A complete poem is one where an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found the words."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robert Frost is one of my favorite writers. why? because he see's things the way i do and he can express him self the way i want to.

poetry and its other forms (songs, sonnets etc.) is as an expression of a lump in the throat, an urge to speak with out words, hesitation due to emotion of either known or unknown origin.

how else can i explain the pain of not being there, the need to be a figure in someones life, the comfort knowing that i am not alone, the joy of life, the ecstacy and depression of love, mindless happiness, confusion due to doubt, and everything else in between.

How does one show, more then words, emotion and feeling of great magnitude? By placing words together making sentences/phrases, sentences/phrases to make verses, verses combined to amount to poetry, and thus combinations of simplicity almost amount to the gravity and complexity of said emotion.

i personally still have trouble expressing this certain love but soon, it will be more then a lump in my throat, more then home-sickness and more then love-sickness. then, maybe then it will come pouring out. A wave of great magnitude free flows out and on to paper. much like pictures, a piece of paper can hold a taste of what certain love i have...

miguel claravall

2005-01-29T11:15:00.000-05:00

I saw him walking across the street, i walked over took out a bat and swung! pow! slam and damn... there was blood everywhere. his death brough new relief with new strife. but his death will keep me insane.

Who did i see walking, who did i walk up to and who did i murder? he looked familiar, as i got closer...closer...closer...
my hood was up, it was dark, his hood was up too. and by the time he turned as he might have heard me running to him, i saw nothing but darkness.

i walked away, leaving the dead and bloddy thing on the ground. what had happen? why did i bring my self to arms? was it the death of a stranger that made me feel lighter and yet much heavier then i was?

i stand beneath the single light upon the only open lot with in walking distance. the light dies, and with it, a part of me. i died. it was me who i killed...

2005-01-28T20:41:00.000-05:00

Growing up forever

i finally got it, the answer
on why we cant be together
right here right now
Im a new wolf on the prowl
i've got the answer why
why we both had to die

i wanted us to be forever
but you're over there and im here
i dont see what you do, how you live
and neither do you
we've got nothing else to share
except words of description
which yeilds false deception

I've got the answers to it now
as i stand outside your window
i'll always love you
but i cant share life with you
we dont talk much and thats why
cuz im here and you're there
its both fair and unfair

i wanted us to be forever
share all we have together
but we couldnt be, thats cool with me
we're still friends, just grown apart
cuz' we've got nothing else said
except words of description
that yeild false deception

dont worry about me as i wont about you
we'll always be, beside our hearts
just not now, not right now

even if i want you here by my side
we've got nothing else to share
doesnt matter how much we care
we've got nothing else but to grow
sadly and happily grow
Grow up
grow up and apart

2005-01-27T22:21:00.000-05:00

Forever
Sitting in a chair, snuggled, warm by the fire.
Looking in your eyes, reminicing moments.
Hand in hand, together we grow weiry and tired.
And I close my eyes, to thank him for the angel he sent.

Yesterday...

You sleep in my arms, just like before, remeber?
It started oh so long ago, when our hair wasn't silver.
Our first kiss, first night, memories still warm as ember.
I'm glad its with you i get a chance to spend forever.

Today...

With each passing year I age, but still tomorrow looks bright.
I climb into bed, as I lay you down knowing, dreaming,
I'd wake up, with you by my side, and you being my first sight.
I pull up the sheets, put my arm around you understanding.

Tomorrow...

Only to know and accept the fates destined to us by the stars.
Your slipping away, though I hold your hand and clasp it tight.
I caress your arm, keeping you warm, feeling time's scars.
Letting you go is the hardest thing for me do, even with all my might.

-Rye

2005-01-25T11:34:00.000-05:00

Love hurts but its a two way street

cut me up and take me down
slit my wrists and take me
so that i can finally
lay down and dream tonight
tak my breath away as you did
do it again til i've got none
i just want to sleep

you took my heart, my eyes
took my love and what more
you took me
so why cant you just let me be
let me sleep

you keep on going
and i keep on giving
i cant help my self
cuz you know i'd do anything
everything just for you
so take all you need
take what you want

you took my heart, my eyes
took my love and what more
you took me
so why cant you just let me be
let me sleep

all i ask is you tell me how you are
that you're fine even if we're so far

you took my heart, me eyes
took my love and waht more
you took me
but if you didnt notice
i took some of you too

2005-01-25T11:28:00.000-05:00

i cant take this anymore!
what the hell is going on?
why is it bothering me so?
why am i still thinking
should'nt i be living already?
i mean im doing my thing but
at the end of the night
when all the works done and over
i still end up staring at the walls
and think about it, all of it
i end up dreaming of it
and when i wake up
i feel so, strange and wrong
as if a great piece of me is missing
what the hell am i supposed to do?
i did it before i can do it again
but the thought that i may never see
or do or laugh of be with physically
maybe thats it, the acceptance that
that was it, how short or long
that was all the time spared for it
that wasnt right though
it was like a thirsty worker
given a drop for 8 hours of labor
under the heat of reality
just one drop
don tyou think i deserve more
that we deserve more?
well, wont know anymore now
when icome back you'll be gone
and when im gone you still wont be there
we'll be switching from state to state
never seeing or being together
but i guess, always remembering
each other...

2005-01-23T19:10:00.000-05:00

come stand with me
those i call friends
i dare to stand before darkness
take upon the grin of evil
will you stand next to me?

hold this light for me
this parts got to be alone
i'll need to get back some how
cant get lost in the world
will you stand behind me?

i've done my thing
im looking for the light
i see you, my friends
each holding unique light
will you stand before me?

I saw death in there
i need to go back
because i want more
be forever with me
will you stand next to me?

To those who have always stayed by my side and all that. through my psychopathic phase, my uncontroled days, and my depressed years; past into my enchantic years, my controlled days, my philosophic helpful present. an everyone in between. thanks to all.

2005-01-23T16:11:00.000-05:00

Must every form of creativity come from debility?
I mean, every work of actualy art or rather, piece
is greatly rooted in some sort of pain
why must being an artisit be in vain
Couldnt we try and make those pieces of happiness?
for elation is also a source of creation
a strong source much like suffering
a chipper sunny view of the world
wouldnt that make for a better inspiration?
then again, if you'd look around
no matter how optimistically hopefull
the world is negativly reality
wave after wave of pessimistic arrogance
shattering all that hopefulls work for
but who is right and who is wrong?
both are in a sense.
with optimism yeilds determination
while pessimism yeilds acceptance
sometimes both at unnecessary quantities
breaking anything standing before them
a balance is searched for
something better then before
because there is only so much one can take
only so many times hearts can be fractured
before it actually shattered.
i feel sorry for those whos hearts have been broken
for reason such as misplaced creativity
from anger and hate to peace and love
or an over amount of optimism
or too much pessimism.

im feel for those for i am one such person. someone whos creativity seems to have tapped in deep on the suffereing and pain while his optimism slowly being withered away by the pessimism of reality. if ther eare two sides to every stroy, then why cant reality be slightly optimistic for once? maybe then things will look up for the better. i hope it happens sooner.

2005-01-23T15:57:00.000-05:00

Unconditionally

You said you couldnt stay
i guess thats ok
couldnt ask you for more
more then you could give me
you're throwing it away
becasue you cant be with me

its all ok!
i love you still
i always will
unconditionally
i just hope you're happy

i wasnt good enough for you
how could i be
when i left you standing there
and theres on thing i cant bear
to see you hurting
to see you not living

its all ok!
i love you still
i always will
unconditionally
i just hope you're happy

no need to worry about tomorrow
this great certain love
i have given you
will always stay with you

thats why its all ok
i love you still
i always will
unconditionally
i just hope you're happy
because im going to have to be.

2005-01-23T15:41:00.000-05:00

the Bitter and the Sweet

I died today
learning how to live
i died today
gave all i could give
whay today?
was it my time, to fall
fall to pieces now...

you slay me!
you knocked me down
you hurt me
causing my to frown
why couldnt we
just get along...

a new day today
living out my life
its a new day
taking all the strife
why today?
guess it was my time
to fall to pieces now

you slay me
did you know that,
you hurt me
you didnt have to do it again
i thougt we we're alright but then
you pushed me away
pushed me away

you slay me!
you knocked me down
you hurt me
causing my to frown
why couldnt we
just get along...

we couldnt get along
we couldnt stay strong
but i tried
i tried...

2005-01-23T13:52:00.000-05:00

Waiting for nothing but still waiting

Here i stay
with my arms on my head
laying on my comfort bed
the saftery of the room
it holds me
keeps me safe from my enemy

All i could do
was stare at the walls
knowing that you're gone
still feeling the love from you
hear me breathing

Your name is i my head
its not what you think
i cant just let you go
away from me
its nothing so silly
As you'd say
because its how i am
i'll be waiting for you

All i could do
was stare at the walls
knowing that you're gone
still feeling the love from you
hear me breathing
waiting for nothing

You say that there isnt much left here
except love, the love you fear

All i could do
was stare at the walls
knwoing that you're gone
still feeling the love from you
hear me breathing
waiting for nothing

2005-01-23T13:00:00.000-05:00

not again

Where are you going?
Runing away from me again
you did it once before
why are you doing it over?
You know that im gone
But my love for yours forever

I just want you to know
i miss you, i love you
i thought you did too
you say you did
but you've given up
you've given up... again

Heaven is living
and being with you is living
you took away my heaven
why did you have to do it again
you said you didnt want it anymore
and i couldnt do anything

I just want you to know
i miss you, i love you
i thought you did too
you say you did
but you've given up
you've given up... again

I know you could've done it, hang on
just hang on, i would've been there
you would've been here, together

I just want you to know
that i miss you so
that i love you still
i always will.

2005-01-23T01:53:00.000-05:00

You all know me. Im the eternal player/lover/agnostic/free thinker/philosopher. but guess what... I prayed... i dont pray, i ont believe in the whole process and religion thing. but something came over me that day (jan14,05) that i ended up praying. i didnt get down on my knees and put my hands together. no. i was laying in bed half asleep thinking about *her*... so i thought. and i realized that i was leaving in 4 days... i was going to leave the one that made me feel real, that made me take another chance on love, the one who loved me in return and i was going to leave her. All i wanted to do was make her happy and satisfied. so i thought again, if i leave... that would be hurting her... and i couldnt bare to hurt her, i just couldnt. if there was anyway for me to take her pain i would, didnt matter anymore what happened to me, as long as she was alright. thats how much i love her. i kept on thinking. so what if i prayed? waht if i actually prayed to god, or whatever super being there is out there. what if... so i did. i was there staring at my walls... praying. i said something to the effect of this:

"i know im leaving soon. and i know that will break her heart. but all i ask is more time. just more time with her, i just want to keep her so bad because i love her.
but when i leave, if there was someway you could help her. Help her in whatever she needs or wants. and i know that love hurts because it hurts me to say this... if loving me hurts her so, please help her forget that love. make her not love me just so she isnt hurt, just so she isnt in pain and suffering. i would offer my own happiness for hers. give her anything that she deserves because i know she deserves more then what she has right now. she is a great person, an amazingly determined person. she knows that she has to work to get where she wants to be to take what she wants. she knows that everyday could be the last day so she lives it to the best of her capacity. she knows how to party and live outrageously. shes inteligent, like shes crazy smart, shes a great friend and she is a great love. she deserves more. much much more.
thats it! with out me here, and given that you will take away her love for me, so it wont hurt her so. Give her a guy. a real guy. someone that would appreciate her everyday as i do now, someone who will see her the way i do now, someone who will love her all the days like i do now. but more over, someone that wont pack up and leave her behind like i will. oh god...heh... i said god... just make her happy you know. anything she wants and everything she wants, with or with out me. make her happy...

Then i fell asleep. since when have you known me to pray, to stop playing, to love only one, to lose in debates! and to silence his opposive philosophical ideas because of someone. its not that she changed me, I changed me not for her but for me! and now that she's gone.. we're gone.. i feel this great emptiness burrowing in me. as if i had just eaten to the point of vomit but i am still hungry. there is this thing that seems to be insatiable. but i still love her. and when ever i remember that i love her, the hole isnt so big, isnt so strong. i dont know people! what the hell has happened to me, its like you all know i've got player sweet talk and professional lover skills but when im with her i cant get my shit together! is like i just turn into this puddle of melted jello. as if i was solid once, then someone stuck me in the microwave...

all i can say is that i love her. and if loving me, missing me hurts her so much then i say to her forget me becasue it will make you happy. doesnt matter what happens to me, because i'll be fine knowing that you are doing your thing, living happy and satisfied...

then again, on the flip side. think about it. shouldnt i be happy that i was able to spend so much time with her? and come to really think about it. i AM! i am so glad i took each and every risk before me to be with her! and that time we spent together, literally priceless! so whatever othe consequences come for me because of those risks, come on! im more then ready to kick ass.
like we may not be together but like, she's not completely left my life! shes still there, she's a friend in a sense the lady is my friend. and thats actually what i want right now. her in my life because she always brightens up the day. damn im licky to still have her in my life! what the hell was i thinking botching about loosing her. i havent lost her, i didnt loose her, she just took on another role in my life as i take on another role in hers! geez, one day im going to slap my self so that i wont think like that ever again.

Later...much later...

2005-01-23T01:32:00.000-05:00

i cant really say what im feeling. all those, were just rants. but when unable to speak out or write down what one feels. thank god for other writers for they have already writen it. soon when i am ready once more, i will write about it.

First Two Poems By Pablo Neruda and the last by Eric. The last one. is a complete of waht i feel or rather, what i had chosen to do. thanks eric, for writing for me while i am still not ready.

1.)

Love

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects

2.)
I Crave Your Mouth

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
Like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

3.)
There would come a time when we have to stop loving someone, not because the love is fading but because we found out that they would be happier if we’re not around you’ll know that you’re really in love, when you let the person you care about, stay happy. Even if their happiness does not include you at all, its best to wait for the one you want then settle for the one who’s just available, but its best to wait for the one you really love then choose the one who just hanging around. I want to meet the one who will make me realize that I do exist in this crazy world, to get a hold of me.

All i've got to say is that i've found that one that makes me feel as if i am alive, that makes me feel as if i exist. and i love her, i really do. thats why i have to stop loving her because she will be happier.

2005-01-22T23:39:00.000-05:00

liar

im sinking down
i thought that i had died
it felt that way
you said it was going to be better
the next day, would be better

if i didnt love you
i would call you liar
but i wont
because i believed you
makin me the fool

what am i to do
why did i believe you
oh that right i loved you
and i thought you loved me too
you did? didnt seem like it

if i didnt love you
i would call you liar
but i wont
because i believed you
makin me the fool

i cant let you break my heart
not again. not again
it was hard the first time
what more a second time

if i didnt love you
i;d call you liar
but i wont
because i believed you
why did i believe you
why was i the fool
of thats right i love you

2005-01-22T23:29:00.000-05:00

Unintended death

Do you still feel the same way
as you did the other day
physicallity is fleeting
while the distance is defeating
I didnt matter to me
as i stood here i could see
that we werent so far
looking upon that same north star
i battled, i sacrificed i tried
but in the end... i died

2005-01-22T23:23:00.000-05:00

Real love

Some learn many things
the love and life it brings
but if it hurts you so much
i cant bear it
and you couldnt do it
so just forget it

forget me if it hurts so bad
dont miss me anymore
dont make your self sad
live your life
and i guess... i'll be living mine

i would've made you happy
here there together where ever
it didnt matter
the love i had, would've lasted
maybe even longer then me or you

but forget me if it hurts so bad
dont miss me anymore
dont make your self sad
live your life
and i guess... i'll be living mine

no more waiting by the pc
looking waitng to see
if we've sent each other a letter

it hurts you too much forget me
dont miss me
dont make yourself sad
live your life and be glad
i guess, i'll be living mine.

2005-01-22T23:19:00.000-05:00

Giving up on me

You'ven up on me!
you're giving up on us
i gave up alot for this
My pride, my happiness
and now you throw it all away

i know you love me
then why break me
you did it once before
and i thought not anymore
i was wrong

i still love you though
i can i say that to you
when you;ve gone so far away
i never said this wont hurt
most great things would
this hurt.. this hurt

i know you love me
then why break me
you did it once before
and i thought not anymore
i was wrong

i thought i was out of my league
i tried my best to not love you
but i couldnt when i saw you

i know you love me
then why did you break me
then, i forget i broke you too
thinking that we were so true.

2005-01-21T18:16:00.000-05:00

im trying to write about it but i cant
i still seem to stutter when i think it
or try and speak it out, i falter
why? why a blazing heat of warmth and pain?
taking in both the bitter and the sweet
tasting and wanting more
it was too short. it was too short.
trying to keep it together
we both know we wont let go of each other
i want to try and make it happen cuz -
i know i can make it happen
all that i feel was never like before
all this, is so new, so real so true
i cant let that go
i cant let go of you
i hope you see that point
that i believe you're strong
and that you can do anything and everything you want
i hope its me that you want
its this that we have
so that we can keep things alive
even if we're both not here
even if we're so far
love isnt private to space
or private to physicallity
love is love that make its way
and i feel yours to me
i know you feel mine
i just cant let you go
and i want this, you want this
we can make it happen

i tried to write but it didnt come out right. i tried to rhyme but i dont think its the right time. i just feel that i need to vent that i need to scream! scream what i feel, so that maybe she'd hear me maybe she'd feel me. i cant believe im gone. im gone from you. which is like a slap in the face because i want to hold you. i see you, i feel you there is just this large piece of clear glass in between us. i cant break it on my own and niether can you. but maybe we can smash it together.

i dont want to let you go. I wont let you go

2005-01-19T19:56:00.000-05:00

Where do I go from here?
Things are all so vague.
I'm losing everything so fast.
What am I to do here?
Now, that your'e leaving, I'm going to be lost again.
Don't go..

You need to stay a while
its always going to be vague
you never lost me
you wait, learn and live
even if im gone, you wont be lost, im still here
i have to go

I can't do anything on my own.
I have to learn but I can't.
Your'e my teacher.
I get nothing when your'e not around.
So don't go..

You're strong
You can do all you want to do.
You can learn all you want to
you're the student, learn all you can
you know what i know
Even if i have to go

Your'e my brother.
A part of my heart.
A part of me.
The best that could ever be.
One of the few people who mean the most to me.

And Im you're brother
you're a part of my heart
a part of me
the best that could ever be
one of the few who mean the most to me
i think i have to leave
dont go
dont go

by AbsentDuo

2004-12-13T01:44:00.000-05:00

Im sick and tired of doing this
i keep comming home to emptiness
not of the room
but of mine own
even if im not alone
people come and ask
ask about their own

i can answer them all
but i cant answer my own
if i can get it for them
why cant i get it for me?

Im ready to jump off
freefall down that ditch
catch that wind and float on
be with those who know
those who feel
what i want to feel

cant keep lookin over that edge
with out wanting to jump off it
tired of staring at everyone i know
freefalling flow

i can answer them all
but i cant answer my own
if i can get it for them
why cant i get it for me?

2004-12-13T01:02:00.000-05:00

Power Of Choice

Its time to make that choice
On how to use the voice
Voice of wisdom and reason
Over voice of destruction
Both wielding unspeakable power
And yeilding possible horror
To which road i will take
Either of which is fake
Upon pondering events
No rule prevents -
Or empowers either path
Along comes uncertainties wrath
One leads left, another right
As i eliminate fright
Confidence build with in me
Checking if anyone would see
I take no path but straight
For no one said wait -
Stand and pick one
Or leave and pick none
I made my own rule
Beating out the lost fools
They have either left or right
As I have pieces of both, held tight

2004-12-07T10:28:00.000-05:00

Pride. its all i can say for he is my brother.

http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2004/dec/07/yehey/enter/20041207ent1.html

2004-12-03T20:57:00.000-05:00

Tuesdays my day.
but only for this year
its all over i fear
another one of those things gone
at a blink of an eye
i know, so cliche but hey
its how it is now
running and moving
now knowing...
that at the end of it all
was it the journey or the fall?
its just another year
another year of what?
the same old thing
or start with a new fling
who knows whats happening
today tomorrow a new thing
just gota wait for tuesday
cuz tuesdays my day

2004-11-26T23:45:00.000-05:00

I tried to write about it but couldnt. For some odd reason everytime i tried, it would come out scattered and crashed. i think and its clear but it comes out screwd. so i just sat thre looking at my laptop and listeing to my cd's. A song came on that seemed to hold all that i was feeling, rather, what i am feeling. But it still didnt give me the answers. i mean, i was able to write about it before why cant i now? I wrote "I Dont Know" but now its like, i cant bring to words what it is anymore. so i just listened and this song (actually a few songs and all by the same band) was it but like i said. had none of the answers i was looking for.

Here are some lyrics that hold me now.

"Its Not A Side Effect Of Cocaine, I Am thinking It Must Be Love"

Why can you read me like no one else
i hide behind these words
but im comming out
i wish i kept them behind my tongue
i hide behind these words
but im comming out

"Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy?

You Need Him - I Could Be Him
I COuld BE Your Accident
But Im Still Trying
And Thats More Then I can Say For Him...
...Maybe He Wont Find Out What I Know
You WEre The Last Good Thing About this part of town

"Love Will Tear Us Apart"

Why is the bedroom so cold
Turned away on your side?
Is my timing that flawed,
our respect run so dry?
Yet there's still this appeal
That we've kept through
our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again

"Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner"

NOhing comes as easy as you
can i lay in your bed all day
i'll be your best kept secret
and your biggest mistake.

Songs Above By FallOutBoy

"I Dont Know"

Scared To Tell YOu How i feel
cuz i know you dont see me that way...
and now i dont know what to do
...we've gotten so close but i cant say it...
...But i cant deny what i now know
about our friendship i can not throw
what am i to do when im in love with you...

By Me

I've know her for so long, like we tend to finish each others sentences, read each othrs mind even. our bonds have gotten real strong. which makes it hard to keep indside to know that she'll always but never be mine. Do i tell her or not? take that risk of destruction over creation. i dont really know what im supposed to say now like, i can think it but it doesnt come out you know? like whatever makes her happy seems to make me happy. when we talk and im hungry, im not hungry anymore. i would do anything for her and she for me. im her crying shoulder and she is mine...

Do i cry to her about this? i mean, i wrote a song for her and all she does to me. should i take my time for my turn? but from what i know when we talk, our conversations. its like a wasted breath because again i go unnoticed. why cant we send each other signals that arent mixed just plain and there. Damn im getting so fucking cheezy it aint funny anymore. but it just sucks cuz like, she makes me feel the way i feel, even if i know nothings going to happen. i just want to take that breath and hold on tight.

enough of this eternal bitching. i miss her i do, i think i love her too. and its heavier. not like before where i could detatch my self and feel nothing. this, i cant detatch from this. it stops my heart.

in one hand, its grow up and get over it. in the other its tell her and hope.

hope is a weak word for waiting for the impossible to happen.

Enough Waiting...

2004-11-22T23:13:00.000-05:00

Making Sure I Get Run Over Again And Again

Im trying to see
all that i can see
im just a little boy hiding away
feeling happy just to play
but i've lost so much time
so many chances to love
and all those times i failed to do so
fortunatly theres another chance

When can i stop searching
im tired of looking
whens that chance going to come
becasue im done, im done

I've seen a lot of things yesterday
i havnt even lived it all today
forgeting all i used to do
looking for something new
so many chances to love
and all the times failed to do
i dont know if theres another chance

is this it?
nothing else left?
thre is nothing else...
nothing else...

When can i stop searching
im tired of looking
whens that chance going to come
becasue im done, im done

2004-11-22T23:05:00.000-05:00

what am i supposed to do
when you cant say what you feel?
When you know taking what you want
does more then that
it could make happiness
also sadness a reality
do i dare wreck what i have?
in pursuit of something that i can not have.
Would i risk that one thing we have for more
or should i sit and stay satisfied.
a treat for me, if i knew my truth
that you do feel as i do
but it aint as pretty as i want it to be
i stand on this tage to be laughed at
not by default but by choise
if it will make her see that theres more then just me
it might be worth the temporary debility
and if she doesnt
i would have wasted much time and effort
in trying to make up a retort
no woman no cry: eternal words
i just want it to be her so bad
that i thnk i should give it all up
and forget it was ever there
i shouldnt even be writing this
for fear of her reading this
but whats the point of it
its not like she loves me anyway...

2004-11-10T23:37:00.000-05:00

reading over what my "brother" posted on his tabulas i couldnt help but think. how is it that someone so loved could be so forgotten. funny. soon after a song plays on my player. Its "superman" sung by him. and i really felt him and what he felt. He says that he is more then a bird he is more then a plane. and indeed he is. he is much more then he thinks he is. he wants to fly but he cant stand it and all he wants is to know who he really is and find what he wants to find. "its not easy to be me" he says. there are days where he just wants to cry because there is a home that he knows but will never see, and even great people, hero's can dream. so he did what he had to do. Up up and away, its alright, everyone can sleep soundly tonight. except him. but simple men are not built to ride the skies with clouds between their kness while searching for things inside them selves. sometimes what they seek is where they have already been. a man in a funny red sheet looking for a dream. that simeple dream is that he would be home. not in a house with a roof and walls. but in a home filled with love not just for one self, not jst to everyone else but to each other, each and every person in the home. but i know its hard now. i know how hard it is your his family, my adopted family.(you know who you are). crisis after crisis sooner or later yeilds greatness from someone. but i do not think greatness should come at a cost of anothers life.

this "song" or whatever it is you want to call it was inspired by this very person. this "brother" of mine. its waht he was feeling when we posted this on his tabulas. but in everything else. doesnt matter where you are, you will always have a home with in the hearts of the people that love you. i know it doesnt seem like much but home really does mean heart. and dude, you know i love yah and you know who can always talk to me.

No-Superhero

Throw me down these flights of stairs
This life’s too heavy to bear
I can see no one past my tears
But people leaving
Making true my fears
I would give it all up
Just to be right there again

Would anyone really notice?
If I had left this home,
Would anyone really notice?
Leave in silent tone
Would anyone really notice?

Its all spinning violent
The rising sounds if insolence

Toss me out the near by window
Waiting around for you is too slow
Do they love me for me?
They love sister and little brother
But none of it is left for me
Just throw me back
From where I came from
Cuz I think that was my home

Would anyone really notice?
If I had left this home,
Would anyone really notice?
Leave in silent tone
Would anyone really notice?

The ground opens to die
I’ve tried
But I cant do suicide

2004-11-09T01:52:00.000-05:00

Basic thoughts to keep in mind while living out the life doing what we can:

Clarity of mind

The mind is filled with modern day clutter; remove the clutter yields a clean and maneuverable mind space. First, create an empty space with in your mind because everything is found with the creation of nothing. Once maneuverability is achieved, answers may not be found with ease. Second, place that dilemma in the center of the darkness and look past it. Much like placing your hand so close to your face then looking behind it while your hand is still there, it creates the illusion that there are more hinds before you. Here, there is no illusion, for the answers to most riddles are located with in the riddle itself. Third, look past your dilemmas before you at the center of darkness and clarity. Look past it and see that the answer was already with in your own mind. Thus eliminating the fact that you had any dilemmas to begin with.

Realization of uniqueness

You are different. Deal with it. Those who are much like everyone else cannot be blamed, for they are still unsure of whom they really are. Whiles, those that stick out in the crowd, are blessed with the fact that they have realized their own uniqueness! One must be a surprise to make a difference in this world. Be the only wolf in sheep’s clothing. Be the sore thumb that sticks out in a sea of familiarity. Dare to move the world and take down the arbiter. Dare to challenge and ask why. Dare to be who you are. For what else can you do, except strive to inspire a new coming generation to think for them selves. Create the spark with in you, speak out your mind and pass on your own light and see how far they can take it. Satisfaction for the present and desire the future. Satisfaction for the present comes from lessons learned in the past that yields a desire for the future. What has happened before has already happened, there is no sense in living it over and over. The only homage we pay to what has happened with in the walls of the past is the lessons learned from the mistakes made. This should be done because the present that we are in was molded by the mistakes, and in turn, the lessons learned from the past. Desire, only desire the future for we do not know what may come. Although there is no knowledge of the coming days after, we must still desire it. This is so, because we in the present are the futures past. Hence the only real thing to do is to live the current day to all that you can while using what we’ve learned yesterday because today is already tomorrows past.

Replace the Negative With a Positive

Is the glass half empty or half full? An age-old question posed to those individuals to figure out whether or not they are optimists or pessimists. Both ways, it wouldn’t matter what side you are one because there is an abundance of negative weight upon the worlds shoulders right now. I understand, apathy right? Being apathetic yields no discord from me. But what does is the question of forever apathy. When real issues that must be paid attention do not knock on your door; do not care. But what would happen when those very issues become a part of your life. What if the fight is brought directly to your doorstep, do you stay apathetic? What happens when people you love are affected, do you still stay apathetic? I ask because there are those that do not care period. I dare to ask you, why stay so apathetic? Do you not care to change or fight or speak out at least? One cannot change or force another to change, all they can do is try to make them see their point and leave it at that. And that point basically is that with the addition of the positive weights or more positive weights, the negatives would be out weighed. Do your share.

Give To Share, Not To Take

People say that heroism is not the act of selflessness, but the act of selfish desire to appear selfless in the point of view of others. Cynical as it may sound, it does make sense. I know, that the true meaning of heroism is to lend a helping hand not because of the anticipation of reward but because you can and want to help. People take and take only because they believe that they will receive some sort of glittering prizes once their act is done and recognize. No. You must learn to withdraw. Withdraw in the sense of being humble. Taking nothing but thanks and appreciation should be reward enough for those “would be” hero’s. And anyone and everyone could make those waves. Much like a small pebble that is dropped upon the calm waters of the pond. Little as it was but it created waves upon waves of water/energy. Those waves disrupted the tranquility of the water and forced readjustment. Everything and anything is possible all you have to do is try. Try your best in all endeavors. Do your best in all menial and great tasks ahead. Try your best to live for today because tomorrow may not have the same possibilities. Laugh because everyone else is the same whole you are different. Take hat road less traveled by and see if it does make a difference. But all you can really do is try

2004-11-09T01:26:00.000-05:00

Music. Is the art of arranging sounds in time so as to produce a continuous, unified, and evocative composition, as through melody, harmony, rhythm, and timbre. Vocal or instrumental sounds possessing a degree of melody, harmony, or rhythm. What a technical point of reference for something as beautiful as this. Music is more then a combination of this and that with these and those. It is the feeling of overwhelming energy rushing through past and out your body. Music is a way for everyone to link up and share each others force, each other’s emotion and each other.
Song. What is a song? A song is a subunit of music. It is a piece of musical eloquence that everyone bows down to. A song is words, words with pretext, words with notes and sounds, words with meaning.

A song is a song.

But to sing the song of music is seen as an amazing pleasure and honor.

To those who sing, I commend you greatly. You have given us a piece of your selves. To those who write, great thanks goes to you, for with out you, there would be no one who would sing. To those musically inclined, we bow our heads in recognition.

But keep in mind. Out of all this, there is more then just music that is a mode of creativity. There is more, I just prefer music.

2004-11-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

There are many differences between the way a child and an adult sees and understands the world. The child sees everything to be good and pure while the adult mostly sees the world in a negative manner. A simple understanding that problems are not so big and are easy to solve is how a child copes with in his growing years. Adults on the other hand are completely swamped because the see the problem and also what the problem brings with it. More problems. But what happens once the child grows up and realizes that the life is not as sweet as a mint filled éclair? Does he accept the sourness and bitterness of reality? Or is there some way for both adults and children to find common ground; Grow up and yet still see the potential for the future. If a person can keep his mind clear, understand that he is unique, accept the present as he learns from the past while preparing for the future and expel his negative vigor while keeping in his positive, then maybe that person has found common ground.

Clarity of mind is what most people have lost. So many things now, distract people, that they forget that they are still alive. From, T.V. ads telling us what we should need to buy to people perched upon the government seats ordering us how we should live, and everything in between, we have so much to distract us. But distract us from what though? Distract us from more distraction maybe, but the truth is that we are distracted from our selves. The human body, mind, spirit and soul or Corporeal Psyche is in need of constant attention. (Corporeal Psyche, the physical addition of the solid mind and body with the spirit and soul). Attention that is needed to know what we as a person craves or desires. With out knowing what we crave or desire, what are we? For the ability to know these things are exclusive to us humans. We must temporarily forget that there are other things that need our attention, for there is nothing wrong with having some alone time. Once we have our alone time, flashes of what the Corporeal Psyche desires or craves shall come. It will come in forms of semi difficult yet arousing brainteasers. Most people just see this similar to a pin prick at the back of your head or an itch you just cant seem to scratch To lessen the distraction takes discipline, discipline that allows us to create the nothingness of the dark with in our mind. For the creation of nothing is where we will find everything.

2004-11-07T23:25:00.000-05:00

Life isn’t just black or white, there is a blurred lined between them called grey. Things could start to turn out great but fall out in the end. Leading to confessions, the act of revealing a secret kept that is not eating away at our very soul. Who ever said you can’t have both ways didn’t know anything. Things such as friendship, love at the hair thin line that separates what a person really wants. So what’s wrong with being a little selfish? Being selfish is the only real way to get things done now, living in this world. Have two sandwiches, have two slices of pizza, and have two girlfriends/boyfriends. But, here lies the confusing part. What if what you want is already yours? Must you be currently satisfied or eternally tormented with it? Can an appetite be so whet that we cannot saturate it enough to equal happiness? Here’s something I know, if what you have in your heart is not vented out, it will be suppressed, shook around and then when the time comes, an explosion of emotions that can no longer be controlled. What then?
Who knows how reaction would rear its ugly head? For all we know, fate, in actuality is on our side some how, that all these things that we are going through is a test, that if we pass, be granted glittering prizes.
Try. That is all you could truly ask yourself. Try hard and see, the best that we could offer might be enough to turn the tide.
What is going on in your mind is only the tip. Deep down, it doesn’t matter how you feel or the circumstance of the friendship or what everyone else thinks. The real question is, are you ready to take that leap away from a familiar land? Answer that question and you will find the spark that leads you out of the dark catacombs of you mind. After you realize what you have to do, keep in mind if THEY are ready to jump with you.

2004-11-07T23:22:00.000-05:00

Standing

Staring at yesterdays future
None of it seems to matter
Cuz these moments are forever
Kept and played over
Each spec of detail
Highlights every color
A purple haze of yellow
A vague shadow of a fellow
Walking way away from here
Leaving behind a souvenir
To make it so, That-
This is a seared reverie
That cannot be given away
Only kept close and warm
Right next to life’s beginning
Until the last beat, last breathe
The charade will be over
All the deception and cover stories
This will be the last time it stands
Leaving life less ethereal
But nothing so mundane
Here I leave the long goodbye

2004-11-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

Truth

Where are you? I know you’re out there
I can feel you, wherever you are
Should I be glad that you’re not here?
Or that you are somewhere far?
It’s already so hard to be in and out of it
But to be between it seems wrong
Considering none of it fit
I guess it must be this song
Or it could be this night
Am I better of with or with out?
The answer seems to be out of sight
Is it wrong that I have this doubt?
What happens when I must leave again?
Be so far from you, what then?
Have I done too much?
To yield an outcome as such.
And Yet -- What was I to do?
Entering this mist with out a clue
Not knowing my left from right
With absolutely nothing in sight
Maybe I was to walk away
Step back to realize the new day

2004-11-07T23:06:00.000-05:00

1AM

Hour past the time of midnight
It was an enchanting sight
Sun shinned so bright
Wind blew with all her might
All this to be kept in memory
And by days after, a set reverie
None most tickled mine own curiosity
'sept that of a glowing beauty
An image three years changed
A rush of emotion raged
Only to halt, as i must look
At what forgetfulness took

2004-11-06T23:41:00.000-05:00

Soon

it may be soon.
just a month and a couple days left
but i cant wait. why cant i wait?
for each breathe that i once had
for the love i feel miles away
for the comfort i seek today
the smiles i cant faze out
the feeling of no doubt
today i wish it to happen
i cant wait but it is soon
i am saddened but elated
the feeling of being faded
a rush of lights and sounds
of laughter out loud
the comforting noise i seek
the times i want back
the times i cant have right now
hence to make new times
times to be remembered
times to stay with in my mind
so deep til i can not find it
so deep in mind that it will never leave
the time i seek is soon
the place i want to be is soon
i can not wait no longer
for being away almost forever
has beaten me down so far.

in all these word i just really wanted to say that i am comming home soon. i am leaving here dec18 and i might be there dec20. december 20 people. be ready for it cuz i already am. its all planned out. all that i will do and all the times that i wish to have forveer seared straight on my brain. home. so many word so many meanings. but home is where my friends are. home is where my sisters are. home is where the people i love are. doesnt matter where they are. i just want to be home with my sisters speaking, listening and looking at each other. understanding that each has changed so much, and so much i've missed. i see my self as a good brother but i cant be a good enough brother if i couldnt atleast watch them go through thier life and be a part of it in some way. and to my friends, geez what more is there to say except i do live for them. my friends are like my soul mates. each of my real friends have a piece of my heart, a piece of my soul. i feel as if things are incomplete with out them. i just want my heart not to be in pieces and my soul to be one again.

soon.

but i can not wait. must patience be so painful and yet, amazingly rewarding.

2004-10-29T22:20:00.000-04:00

"Arent you happy, that i cant fall in love with you and break your heart, cuz your like my brother"

i realize that there are more and more people out there that have heard this line before. what a pity for those men trying so hard to out shine the competition but fail due to the fact that they are placed in the wrong social category.

Now that quote is like bitter sweet in Rye words. its like really great to hear but while you hear it its as if she's ripping your heart out. i love her enyet i hate her with the same intensity at the same time. I want her although i can't want her the right way, with as much love, and enthusiasm as i should. I need her, but i don't have time for her, leaving me in a chasm of despair, confusion and regret. i love that feeling of uncertainty and dispare. along side debility and frailty of mind. being a soggy wet shadow of what i once was. i hate feeling shattered and uber useless...

Must sarcasm be my only escape from this mediocre life living, must sarcasm, jokes and fakes over shadow my true feelings. Or must i take that leap, take that chance to scream out what i feel without the crap covering and hope that the reply would be an agreement. but can i take that shock, that blow, that smash to the face, that utter feeling of being shattered glass as contradiction makes its way towards me.

2004-10-29T21:08:00.000-04:00

A Comment From Rye

Wait

When everything seems to be going right
and nothing was getting in our way
you tell me that its not the right time
and that you want me to be here waiting

I never knew a problem so deep ran in our love
Wait, is that what you want me to do? are you sure?
Tell me what's wrong, I want to try, I want to help.
I felt it was too good to be true, I guess I was right all along.

We had too much fun, and now I guess it catches up to us.
I heard you were leaving, when were you planning to say?
In your eyes I can see the feelings you hide, but now
dont you dare say good bye, I am willing to give up everthing!

comment....
I will, when you get back, be waiting for you.
I never did understand the concept of waiting. It never occured to me that there is the right moment, and the wrong. All along I thought that we make these moments, it never came to us. I guess I was wrong. Sometimes the best thing to do, in solving problems, not neccessarily problems of the heart, is to wait. Time does not heal all wounds, but it give you a break from the normal routine you undergo and aid you get a better understanding, a bigger view, a deeper realization of the events that happen seemingly reasonless, but inevitably important, not only to you but to others as well. I was asked long ago if i would wait, I said no. I was asked a few yearse back, would I be able to stay? I said, I'd try. If i was to be asked today, will I be here waiting, I have to say yes, because over the years I never fell, I never found any one new. I guess in the end I was waiting too.

2004-10-29T21:03:00.000-04:00

Time.

its always what we seem to run after. time to do the things we want to do, to sing the songs we want to sing, to sit down and watch the sunset without thinking about what we have to do after, or rather, where we have to be with in that moment in time.

Time.

such a simple word holding only so many letters. but it seems to hold so much, meaning, substance, so much soul in its self...

time flies, time wounds all heals, time moves, rose mary and time, time exists, time is relative, time is eternal, time ends...

we must stop running after something that may not really exist. But if it does exist, didnt we create it? is not time a result of years of human technology? hence, why must we run after something we created? why cant we just make more time.
make time to do the things we want to do, to sing the songs we want to sing, to sit down and watch the sunset without thinking about what we have to do after, or rather, where we have to be with in that moment in time.

to make time, to create the days we can use at our own risk or at our own pleasure.

Time

2004-10-26T22:25:00.000-04:00

Writen by one of the more interestingly beautiful people i know. JC Taylor (i'll see you in alaska, miss you already)

A Refuge

he hurt me so badly
so badly before
that i cant take it no more
im building a refuge
a safe place to hide
my heart my soul my pride,
i dont want to hurt no more
i dont want to cry,
so these walls are coming up strong and wide,
very few will get in,
and there's no shortcuts to get through,
its tough, its hard but if you get in i'll want you,
it's a way for me to hide,
my feelings and my pride,

i have to act strong and independant,
i have to act strong for my own mindset,
but deep down inside,
im shaking and trembling,

i want someone to hold me up,
i need someone thats there for me,
but i cant tear down these walls myself,
he needs to come and tear them with me.
he needs to follow through and be patient,
he needs to give me space and time,
i just want to be loved,
i just need to be loved,
to be held again.

tear down these walls,
blast right through them,
im sorry it's gonna be hard for you,
but if you love me like you do,
then stay with me and follow through,
because i assure you im not all thorns it's just those walls you have go break down,
and soon.. very soon you'll break through.
just stay with me and soon,
it'll be all worth it because it'll be just me and you.

- JC Taylor

2004-10-25T17:53:00.000-04:00

Thoughts Of Neon

I don't like waiting. I hate patience. I like things fast. I don't want to waste time. I want it to happen right away. Why do we have to wait for a certain thing? I never got the point of waiting..

Why do girls make guys wait? Why can't they just tell them the answer right away? I know that they need time to think, but why the hell does it so long for them to think of one simple answer for one simple question? It's just a freaking "Yes or No" question. Guys don't ask girls to be their girlfriends and shit if they knew that they don't have a chance. We ain't stupid..

Here's another thing, this kinda hurts, well, atleast for the guys, why do people say that guys are dumber than girls? Again, we ain't stupid. We just don't want to say anything because the girls might get hurt.

One more thing, all the girls say that when a couple break up, its always the guys fault. Its not always like that, some girls turn the story around so they can make the guy look bad, when really it's the girl's fault. Why do they always do that? Why do they like ruining guys? When us guys, well, majority of us, are trying our best to make girls look good so they won't be embarassed. Girls should be thankful that majority of guys, i think, are trying their best to not say anything. Those girls don't want us to start talking because this world might all of a sudden turn into a guys paradise.

Again, these are my thoughts.. I'm really bored and cant stop thinking... I don't know what you people think..

- Neon

2004-10-24T22:35:00.000-04:00

Help Me Forget. For Now.

I am tired :

of waking up and doing the same thing over again.
of realizing that after all the work i've done its still not enough
of looking around and not seeing a friend
of sitting alone with a coffee in hand and a smoke in the other
of speaking out loud with no one listening
of singing and writing about love when i have none
of going to bed cold
of thinking about the "what if's"
of staring at the lights waiting for inspiration
of chasing the impossible dream
of living from paycheck to paycheck
of thinking
of walking home on rainy days and nights
of having so many responsibilities
of having to patiently wait for everything
of being as inquisitive as i am
of living my last teenage year working my ass off so that i can achieve something and make people proud of me and what i am doing. leaving the wings of my father and venturing off on my own floating along and almost sinking. drowining.

All i want is one day. one day where i dont have to think about my bills, my work, my school. One day to spend with just one person, doesnt matter if we talk or anything. i would be satisfied to be along side her in silence or comforting noise, which ever she prefers. All i want, is one day, that i can wake up and be awake, take a few steps down the stairs and know for a fact that my friends are waiting for me in a starbucks coffee shop, sipping thier mocha fraps or ice teas while smoking local pinoy cig's laughing, enjoying and just living with in moment, instead of running at a thousand miles an hour just to make some progress.

I just want one day to forget. forget deepinside that i dont have to do anything for the next few hours. Help me forget, someone help me forget because it IS hard to forget... I cant be strong forever because sooner or later somethings going to go wrong. i mean, i try, i really do. and thats all anyone can ever ask, is that you try. But what happens when you try and you make it halfway but lose all energy and inspiration to keep it up and going. what then? i cant give up i know that. so all im asking for, all i want, is one day to forget this all, only because I am tired. i just want one day. help me forget, just for now.

2004-10-21T11:39:00.000-04:00

Lonely Are Those Who Dare To Speak Up And Out. For They Are Ridiculed And Criticized By Their Own Kind.

There will forever be those who are hated, or rather, misunderstood becasue of their outspokeness. They speak because they can. They do things because they want to. They get up and stand up (Bob Marley) once they see that there is something wrong.

i call em punks. but not in the essence of the english language. punk in the english language states that a punk is of poor quality and worthless. NO. Punk in rebel, punk in change, punk in different, Punk as a dare, punk as a choice, punk as a life style and not as a fad.

Punk is a term used for those who dare to be different, those who dare to change, those who dare to make that change. People who understand that there is the so called "bigbrother" who is always watching, that there is the arbiter dictating what rules should be lived upon society. But these people dont exactly agree with the fact thatr society believes it lives free when indeed it does not. These same people SPEAK. speak loud, so loud that people do hear them. they also understand that they can not really make change happen being outside the walls of society. They dont have to look punk to be punk. for these people are smart enough to know that one can create more havoc and anarchy inside the walls of society, to make that change for order. But order on our terms in which it was supposed to be in the beggining.

but naturally, there are those who pretend to change or want to chang but have no balls to do it. have no ganas to take hold of thier life and change it. Posers! are what we call those who live punk in style and not live punk as life. These punks. These people spend so much time in changing them selves, so much time in remaking themselves to be non-conformists that they, in the end, conform. They non-conform to conform to becoming punk posers. these people pretend to stand up and make a choice by being outside the walls of soceity. Some difference a person can make being outside the walls. THEY CANT MAKE A CHANGE. they are only seen as pin prinks at the bottom of darkness.

In all my rants, you do not have to take this in for this is my opinion. and i am entitled to my opinion. why? because i can, because i want to and because i get up and stand if i see that there is something wrong or rather, i just stand and rock the boat to spark the mind of another with pure influence that is accepted and understood as opposed to forced upon and taken under frustration.

"people like us... with hearts as cold as coal, just need a spark. and once we're kindled, we burn more than everyone else. so burn baby burn." - Jenna Genio someone worth spending hours on end speaking and listening to.

2004-10-09T22:24:00.000-04:00

Polite Courtesy: You believe in decency and
kindness with people, regardless of the
situation since being nice with an enemy is the
best fight to you. People would consider you
friendly and helpful, and someone who makes
wise decisions.